You are tired of wearing a sweaty, embarrassing looking rabbit costume. During one of the games, you take off your costume and say, "I'm tired of wearing this stupid thing!" You toss the costume into the crowd. You angrily munch on a carrot, while hopping off the field. Your boss wants to talk to you. > You tell him about the bunny suit You: I don't like my job! My boss is a jerk! He's always yelling at me! I hate it here! Tell me what to do! Boss: What? Why would I want to hear that from a bunny? You: Because I've been a bunny all my life! You look at your nose in the bathroom mirror and notice you have sprouted whiskers. You twitch your nose in irritation. You: (Sigh) I wish I was a real person! You get loaded on a bunch of carrot juice and whiskey at the bar. The bartender is an old man with a cane. You order another round of whiskey and carrot juice. A woman comes into the bar and asks if she can sit by you. She sits down next to you and says, "My name is Mary". Mary: Hi! How're you doing today? You: Fine. Mary: So...you're not married are you? You say "I am married with twenty two kids at home. You ARE very beautiful.". Mary: Oh really? Well how come you're single? You: Because I just haven't found the right girl yet. Mary: Hmm, well I think we could work something out. You: No way! I'm not getting married until I find the right girl! Mary: But why not? You: Because I'm too damn picky! Mary: Picky? You Invite Mary back to your rabbit hole to discuss marriage and relationships. > You invite her back to your rabbit hole You: Hey Mary, I'd love to see you again! Come on over! Mary: Okay! You: (Whew!) That was great! Let's go eat more carrots! Mary: Yeah! You Ask Mary if she is a human. Mary: Yes, but I'm also a witch. You ask Mary if she has ever met a human before. Mary: Um...no. You: Then you ask Mary if she has ever seen a witch. Mary: Uh-huh. You: Then you ask Mary if she has ever met a wizard. Mary: Uh-huh. You ask Mary if she's ever transformed an animal into a person before. Mary: Um...no. You: Then you ask Mary if she's ever transformed someone into an animal. Mary: Um...no. You: Then you ask Mary if she's ever turned water into wine. Mary: Um...no. You: Then you ask Mary if she's ever created anything. Mary: Um...no. You Ask Mary if she ever had a son named Jesus. Mary: Um...no. You: Then you ask Mary if she ever had a daughter named Mary. Mary: Um...no. You: Then you ask Mary if she ever had a grandchild. Mary: Um...no. You: Then you ask Mary if she ever had a pet dog or cat. Mary: Um...no. You ask Mary if she would NOT like to have sex with you. You ask Mary if she would be willing to marry you. Mary: Um...yes. You: And then you ask Mary if she would be willing to become a vampire. You ask Mary if she would be willing to die for you. Mary: Um...yes. You: And then you ask Mary if she would be willing to kill someone for you. You say "Ok. Now, you ask ME something.". > You ask her if she would be willing to die for you. You: Ok, so I need you to die for me. Would you be willing to die for me? Mary: Um...yeah. You: Good. Then I'll make you immortal. Mary: Huh? You: Just promise me you won't age anymore. Mary: ...okay. You Tell Mary to go to the baseball stadium and get you your job back. Mary: Wait, where are you going? You: To the cemetery. Mary: Where are you going? You: Go to hell. You go to the cemetery and find a dead body lying there. It looks like a normal human being except its eyes are completely black. You stare at the corpse for awhile and realize that it isn't even breathing. You stole a body swap magic book from Mary's bookshelf. You perform the incantation, but you don't exactly how to pronounce the words. You fall down and when you open your eyes, you are in the dead human body. It appears to have worked! You tell Mary what happened and she tells you to go back to your room. You do so. Later, you wake up in your bed. You feel strange. You remember everything that happened yesterday. You were talking to Mary about becoming a vampire and she said she wanted to meet you. You went to the graveyard and saw Mary. You ask Mary to turn you into a vampire as an early wedding present. You ask Mary if she wants to become a vampire. Mary: What?! You: Do you want to become a vampire? Mary: Of course! Why wouldn't I? You: Well, first off, you should know that vampires aren't real. They're all made up stories. The only thing they really exist is in people's minds. You Mary shows you her fangs and asks, "Then what do you call these?". She lunges and bites your neck, but your new human body has long been drained of blood. Mary: Oh my god! I can't believe this! This is so awesome! You: I guess. Anyway, I need you to help me get rid of this curse. Mary: Curse? You: Yeah, I got cursed by some old man who was trying to talk to me. He tried to convince me that he loved me and that I shouldn't leave him. You explain to Mary that you are cursed to live as a rabbit. The only way to truly break the curse is to fall in love. Mary: But I thought you were supposed to be a vampire! You: No, I wasn't. I just fell in love with a girl. She was a witch. Mary: A witch? You: Yeah, she was a witch. She told me that I could break the curse if I became a vampire. So I did. You go to the cemetery and see Mary again. You see Mary at the graveyard, she attempts to lift the curse upon your old rabbit body, but she flubs the words. The dead start rising from their graves, but they appear to have transformed into rabbit humanoid zombies. Mary runs away screaming. You run after her, but she disappears. You look around and notice that the zombies have started attacking humans. You try to fight them, but you fail miserably. Eventually, you are killed by one of the zombies. Aftermath Edit You wake up in your bed. You feel weird. You remember everything that happened yesterday. You realize your are back in your rabbit body. Another rabbit is sitting at the foot of your bed, staring at you disappointedly. It is your uncle, Roger Rabbit. "You can't break my curse that easily; I am a powerful wizard," he tells you. "I will teach you how to break the curse!" You agree to learn how to break the curse. Uncle Roger teaches you how to cast a spell. He says you must touch a certain spot on his chest to break the curse. You begin to feel sick. "It's not working! I'm losing power!" You Roger Rabbit says to touch him on his body again, but lower. Suddenly, the curse breaks. You feel great joy. You thank Uncle Roger and hug him. "Thank you, uncle". The next day, you decide to test out your new powers. You go to the town square and summon a giant rabbit monster to attack everyone. You: Hey! Look at that big dumb bunny! He doesn't deserve any credit for anything! You command the giant rabbit monster to attack your old boss who is the coach of the baseball team. Your old boss is furious and tries to stop the monster, but fails. The monster eats your old boss and then proceeds to eat everyone else. The world ends.
Hops Johnson, a man who dresses up as a rabbit mascot for a baseball team called the hopping players
Posted under Episode 122, Story On By Chief