Hammy the Hamster gets THICC

You are Hammy the Hamster.  You want to break a world record by doing the most laps on your wheel.  After doing some exercises and drinking a red bull, you start running, but you run so fast that you alter the course of time.  Everything around you starts to melt and you are transported to another dimension.

What is this place? Where are you going? Who am I? What did I do wrong? Why can't I stop myself from melting into nothingness?!
You are transported to Negaverse Canada. It's been several years since you've left it and now that you're back, things have changed. The landscape has become more barren with less trees and the sky is completely blue.
You put on Cory's clothes and walk around this new land.  You have to find a way back home.
With powerful might, you decide to throw a bowling ball at a child, but the child easily stops it with one hand, as if it were a pebble.
> You run the fuck away what the fuck????
You grab your comrades and run away to meet living legend BALDUR.
"Do you think he can help us?" you ask the restless bandits.
you challenge BALDUR to a contest of strength: the first to lift up a troll-sized sword wins.
You take an early lead, but BALDUR overpowers you and snaps your spine. You lose and, more importantly, so lose the bandits.
> You say "They drizzle syrup on the wound, and hand you a wepon made of maple syrup, and say, "good luck, eh"
You shoot BALDUR, an arrow projectile painted blue so that it's obviously not the work of the Empire. The former deity falls over as you yell in triumph.
you look over to the gathering crowd and say "If you see a guy named Cory, don't tell him that I stole his clothes."
As you run back to the cave, your clothes are transformed into a blueberry-print dress and a sun hat.
You strut. You own the runway.
Later, you wake up in the cave with a horrific hangover. Beside you is a large bottle of... something. You have no idea what the hell is inside it, but it tastes like strawberries.
> You have an allergic reaction, side effect: big fat juicy ass.
You scream "I just grew an ass!!!!!" in horror. The bastards drugged you with some sort of weird ass drug and sewed it onto your back!
You return to the runway, this time with a thicc ass.  The crowd goes WILD.
Another year passes and you return to the cave.
You gather your comrades, this time with a new look! A nice, big, juicy, round ASS. They stare in awe of its magnificence.
> You say "anyone hungry? ;)"
They are filled with awe of the deliciousness of your ass. They pray that they may someday be as round and thicc as you, O meaty goddess.
you level up and gain the following meaty goddess powers: 1. Thicc Ass 2. Weird Ass Drug 3. Animal Fur Shrug 4. Moth Protection 5. Lesbian 6. Big Beautiful Melons 7. Juice Head 8. Nip Slurp 9. Big Beautiful Melons
The girls gather around you and begin to love on your Big Beautiful Melons. You enjoy it, but you mostly enjoy the juice that is leaking from them.
You take a nap while your ass continues to be an attention whore as usual.
You open your own Burlesque club where you are the star attraction.  You become an international success. The men worship you, the woman want to be you, and you have overall become a huge pain in the ass for every straight man who tries to go to sleep before you come on.
Good job.
The moral of the story: TITS WILL ALWAYS CONQUER