Grod Gorehide, a guy who drinks too much at parties

Posted under Episode 139, Story On By Chief

One evening, you're at your cousin's birthday party. You drink twelve bottles of wine. You quickly realize that you drank too much. You rush to the bathroom, but there's already someone in there. You go into your cousin's bedroom and wet his bed. After you're done peeing, you notice that the bed smells bad, so you toss it out the window. The bed lands in your cousin's swimming pool.

When you come back from the bathroom, you see that the bed has been replaced by an old mattress. Your cousin is now asleep on the mattress.

You wake your cousin up and beg his forgiveness for peeing on the mattress.

He doesn't care though.

Your cousin is Buzz Aldrin, second man on the moon, and he tells you that he wets the bed all the time.

He says he always did it when he was drunk or high, but since he isn't anymore, he thinks that you should do it next time.

You and Buzz decide to go to a junkyard and pee on the mattresses.

When you get there, Buzz notices some broken furniture. He asks if anyone saw this before. Everyone says no. Buzz finds a hammer and breaks one of the legs off a chair. He then proceeds to break every leg off the chairs until the entire thing falls over. Then he uses the broken pieces as makeshift legs.

You cut open a mattress and use the springs on your arms and say "beep boop. I am a robot." and you all laugh really hard.

> You next time: You will be more careful! Buzz Aldrin has become very friendly with you and you've even started calling him "friend". You have decided that you'll be safer if you don't just piss on the beds anymore. The next night, you and Buzz take turns going to sleep while everyone else goes to the bar.

You decide to go to the bar for just one beer, but when you get back, you find someone has peed all over the mattress. You wake up Buzz, and he immediately says his cousin Whilz Aldrin, is the guilty party.

Buzz takes you to the police station where they give you a ticket for trespassing. They also tell you not to call Buzz any more about being friends with Buzz.

You ask Whiz Aldrin to bail you out. After you make bail, you and Whiz go to the junkyard and spend all night building a rocket to go to the moon and escape.

The next day, you and Whiz are in the middle of the desert, waiting for the rocket to launch. Suddenly, Buzz grabs your hand and says "Don't worry, we won't die!" "Oh... okay then..". Suddenly, you feel something hit your chest. It hurts like hell, but you manage to keep calm and call Buzz.

You realize the pain is guilt. You hope this pain won't follow you to the moon. You and Whiz climb into the rocket.

The rocket takes off and you both fly away from earth.

You arrive at the Moon, Whiz wants to go out and walk around and that's when you realize you forgot to build space suits.

So you build them right away. The first person you meet is Buzz Aldrin who greets you warmly. He tells you that he's glad to see you again. You explain what happened to you and he seems kind of sad. Then, you meet another astronaut named John Young. He's older than you and he looks very tired.

You say the two astronauts "Why... Yes! I would like a drink. Thank you." and you motion to them to get to it.

After drinking a few shots, you start feeling dizzy. You look down and see blood coming out of your arm. You fall backwards onto the ground and scream. "What happened?! Did you kill me?!" Whiz comes running up to you and screams at you. "I didn't mean to kill you! I swear! I'm sorry!"

You Buzz and Whiz lay you on a space mattress. Buzz tells you that his dream was always to pee on a mattress on the moon, but you need the mattress more right now. You tell him to do it anyway.

Whiz Aldrin gets mad at you. "That's my boy! That's my boy! We're gonna go to the moon together!" At this point, you're still bleeding profusely. You try to stop the bleeding by using your hands. But the blood keeps flowing. You start thinking about how you're never going to leave this place.