Gordon Souls: McDonald’s Edition

Posted under Episode 0, Story On By Chief

You are Gordon Ramasy, 
 angry chef in Gordon Souls. The Evil Food Cult Has Enveloped The World with Darkness and now the World Is no longer vivid. You are engaging the 1st boss Chicken Nugget, The Dark Chicken Nugget, You charge the boss with your chicken warhammer and
 chop it to bits!
The Dark Chicken Nugget is defeated! You have completed this quest.
Gordon Souls: The Evil Food Cult has enveloped the world with darkness. Now the world is no longer vivid.

You rush to the next boss:
 The 2nd boss Chicken Nugget, The Red Chicken Nugget. It's a tough fight! You're not sure if you can beat it...

You notice the Red Chicken Nugget has an interesting special ability:
 "I am a red nugget. I'm extra spicy." That must be what makes it so hard to kill!
After many attempts, you finally defeat the Red Chicken Nugget! You have completed this quest.

You yell, "This chicken nugget is so raw it's named Red Chicken Nugget!"

Your mother laughs. "Oh Gordon, you've always been such a funny boy." She takes a bite of the last piece of her birthday cake. "That was delicious!" she says, licking the frosting from her fingers.

You hold a bucket of chicken nuggets that belong to Jason and Cory from AIPD and this causes your mother to transform into a fat grotesque beast and challenge you as the next boss
: Cake Mother, eater of cake.

 You take your bucket of chicken nuggets and throw them at her. She growls, "Give me those!" but they bounce off her head.
"It's not fair," you say.

You swing you
 warhammer at the Cake Mother.
 She catches it with her hands and crushes it to pieces. "I win!" she says.
"No, I won!" you yell.
Your mother throws the rest of the chicken nuggets at you.

She doesn't notice that the original bucket of chicken you threw at her was covered in a highly toxic poison.  She begins to melt in front you.
 You see that she is turning into a giant molten pile of chocolate and vanilla. "Mmmm," she moans, melting away.
You look down at your mother and realize you don't know how old she really is.

You walk to the next boss.

You spot the 3rd boss Chicken Nugget, The Black Chicken Nugget. It's not easy fighting the Black Chicken Nugget.
You swing your chicken warhammer at the Black Chicken Nugget.

You dodge.

You dodge again.
You dodge a third time.
You feel yourself losing.
You stop dodging.
You swing the chicken warhammer and strike the Black Chicken Nugget dead center.

The Black Chicken Nugget is defeated!

You prepare for the fight with the final boss:  Lord of the Nuggets, King Ronald McDonald - a giant evil clown.
 You swing your chicken warhammer at him, but he blocks it with his massive hand. He laughs, "Aah, you've got some power there. But I'm stronger!"
He swings his arm at you.

You attempt to dodge, but slip on a large puddle of ketchup.

You fall to the ground.
The giant clown picks you up by your neck and drops you onto a large frying pan.
"Yum!" he yells.
You try to struggle, but you can't move.

You yell, "Fuck!"

The clown smiles. "Yes, I'm going to eat you."
You hear a loud noise behind you.
You turn around to see a small girl standing there with a big frying pan.

You notice the small girl is Birdie the Early Bird, a former McDonald's mascot.  She appears to want to help you defeat Ronald!

Birdie slams the frying pan into the back of the giant clown's head.
The giant clown falls to the ground.
You look at the giant clown.
You say, "I thought you were invincible."

You swing your hammer at Ronald's cock and balls.

You hear a loud crunching sound.
You swing your hammer at Ronald's face.
You hear a loud crack.
You swing your hammer at Ronald's nose.
You hear a loud snap.

You are stunned to see that Ronald is still able to put up a fight after so many powerful blows.

You swing your hammer at Ronald's forehead.
You hear a loud thud.
You swing your hammer at Ronald's chin.
You hear a loud snap.
You swing your hammer at Ronald's throat.

You think about what Ronald's weakness is and then it hits you: his meat.  You hit Ronald straight in the hamburger meat.

Ronald's eyes roll back in his head.
You say, "Haha! I win!"
You turn to Birdie.
"Hey, thanks for helping!"
Birdie smiles.

Next time on "Gordon Souls: Kitchen Nightmares":
You and your mother walk into a local McDonald's.
You notice the food is terrible.
"Let's get something to eat," you say.
"No, we're going to be late for work," your mother says.

The moral of the story:
 Don't listen to your mom.
You open the menu.
You notice that the Big Mac has gone up to $4.99.
"Why would they raise the price?" you ask your mother.