You are Gilbert Godfrey and you are the Pilot of the disappearing flight over the the Bermuda Triangle. The space around the plane is warped and several different colors, and suddenly you appear in another dimension. You deduce that the plane has gained the ability to change dimensions at will, and also can speak fluent Japanese. You consider your best options, and decide to inform the first thing first. ing the plane to land in New York City would give you enough time to contact the authorities. The plane says to you "I'm not going anywhere until I get my money back." You say "That's great, but what about the other passengers?" He replies "They're dead! They died when we crashed into the ocean!" > You realize the plane opened the doors and all the passengers got sucked out. You decide to call the airline to tell them that your plane disappeared over the Bermuda Triangle and you are now in an alternate dimension. The airline representative puts you on hold and says she will personally send someone to pick you up. A rep from Spirit tells you that they are not responsible for loss of dimension and charge $100 million for pickup. You grit your teeth and tell them that you will never fly their airline again. You, along with the pilot, eventually get home. > You decide to write review of Spirit Airlines on Expedia. You rate the airline a 1 and explain that you would fly with them again, but in this case it is not a matter of choice. You also mention their extortionist policies. A young film director just out of film school, decides to make a documentary based on your story. He calls you and says that he wants to take you to Bermuda so you can re-enact your story. You are immediately suspicious. After hanging up the phone you think about how you can profit from your experiences. You hop on a plane with the young director, whose named is Lucas, and see that it is suspiciously empty. You see that you are headed right for the Bermuda triangle. You begin to panic and call your wife. She says that she knew this would happen and that the key to getting out of this alive is to remain calm. You decide to remain calm and ask the flight attendant for proof that there is a flight attendant on this flight. She takes out a crossbow and points it at your head, so you remain seated. You realize that the female flight attendant is actually a trans-dimensional assassin working for Spirit. You ask to use the restroom and notice a set of stairs that is not attached to the plane. You see a windowless room with a single wooden chair that has your name on it. > You sit in the chair and feel your body begin to change. You feel your body being stretched and pulled into unimaginable shapes. It feels like the chair is trying to mold you into a new person. You begin to feel the chair under your skin, it is hot and sticky. Your body undergoes a transformation and you transform into a living chair. You are impressed with Lucas' dedication to his craft, that he would go to such lengths for realism. You are now satisfied with your ending. You attend the premiere where fat people keep trying to sit on you. The movie plays and as people are walking out your hear their opinions: "It was good, but I felt that it dragged in the middle." "That second act really slowed down the entire movie." You are a chair. You realize you can't connect with people anymore so you go out drinking with Chairy, the living chair from Pee-wee's Playhouse. You both get drunk and begin to philosophize about the meaning of human existence. You tell him that you always wanted to be a human chair, but you just don't have what it takes. You drive into the Hollywood hills and sit in your car while overlooking the city. You think about what has become of your human chair life and decide to drive over the mountain. As you hear sirens down below you realize the sacrifice you have made for your craft. > You drive off the mountain, but your upholstery saves your life. You survive the fall with only minor injuries. You are taken to a hospital and spend months undergoing physical therapy. You finally return to your home where you receive a letter in the mail. You see the letter is from Spirit, it says: Dear Mr. Oldman, I have always admired your dedication to your craft. The directors here are interested in making a movie about a director who attempts to drive over a mountain. You walk the letter over to Gary Oldman's house. When Gary answers the door, he is dressed as a chair. You walk past him and say, "I'm not going to be in it." The moral of the story: It's better to be a fictional chair than it is to be a fictional director.