Garth Neelson, a guy who has been hiding his true feelings for a long time

Your girlfriend says you should express your true feelings at all times. You say, "Okay." That evening, you meet up with your girlfriend and her parents at a diner. You look at the dad and say, "To be honest, you're old and ugly." The dad gets angry and tries to attack you, so you kick him through a glass window. A waiter walks up to you and asks, "Are you ready to order?" You say, "Yes."

He says, "You have one minute to get out of here!"

You say "So... what are the specials?" The Dad, who happens to be Jackie Chan, comes back into the restaurant furious and yells...

"I'm not doing it! I don't want to do it! It's too much work!" Your girlfriend then looks at him and says, "It's not that hard". She goes on to say, "Just go home and think about it. If you really love me, you'll do it".

You order dessert and then threaten to break up with your girlfriend.

> You go Home And Think About It The next day, you come home from school and see Jackie standing in front of you. He smiles and says, "What's wrong? Did you change your mind?" You reply, "No, I decided to stay". Jackie replies, "Well, then why did you leave?"

You tell him "I am having doubts about my relationship with your daughter. She is very manipulative and emotionally abusive.".

Jackie replies, "That's great. Now I know exactly how you feel. I've always wondered what happened between us. So let me help you understand. We were together for six years, but we broke up because she was mentally unstable. Then when she got sick, we had a falling out. But even after that, she didn't stop being difficult towards me".

You say "Tell you what, I'll fight you in a battle to see if I marry your daughter. If I lose, I'll break up with her and move away forever."

Jackie laughs and says "Oh no, I can't believe you'd agree to this. In fact, I'm going to make sure you never get another girl". You ask him "Why?" Jackie says "Because I like you. You're the only man I've ever loved and I won't be able to live without you".

You say to him while throwing punches "I've never thought about being gay you, but I am very curious.".

Jackie says "Good luck with that, because I'm not giving you any more chances to prove yourself. I'm calling off our deal. Goodbye". You walk away from Jackie and he runs off crying. After running down the street, you hear a scream behind you. You turn around and see Jackie screaming at you. He starts punching you repeatedly in the face.

You decide to seduce Jackie Chane using the power of martial arts.

The rest of the movie follows the same plot as the first one, except now there are two girls instead of one. This time, however, they are both beautiful and both seem to be in love with you. They both try to convince you to be their boyfriend.

You accept both of the beautiful girls. You have a wild night of cocaine and unprotected sex with the two beautiful women. You are very happy.

Afterwards, you wake up alone. You realize that you've lost your virginity to a woman. You begin to cry uncontrollably. You run over to your mom and ask her, "Mommy, why am I sad?" She answers, "Your sister is dead, so you're sad because you lost your virginity to a woman and now you're sad because your sister died".

You hire Jackie Chan as your grief counselor. He tells you he doesn't understand the words coming out of your mouth.

He then explains to you that you shouldn't worry about losing your virginity to anyone else, because you will find someone special someday. One year later... You are a young man living in Hong Kong, but you aren't quite sure where you belong. You spend most of your time playing video games or watching TV. One day, you suddenly remember something...

You continue.

One year passes and you discover that you are actually an actor. You auditioned for a small role in an American film called "The Last Samurai", starring Clint Eastwood. You were hired and went to Los Angeles to start filming. Unfortunately, you weren't paid and the project was cancelled. As fate would have it, a few months later, you had the same experience again.

You suddenly you find a "Golden Glock" on the ground.

It turns out to be a fake. You're fired from your job and you're homeless. You sleep on the streets of Hollywood until one day, you meet a mysterious man by the name of Bruce Lee. He offers you a place to stay. The rest of the movie follows the same plot as the first one, except now there are two girls instead of one.

In desperation, you fire the gun and discover it shoots gold. You fire it over and over and become wealthy beyond your wildest dreams.

The end.