Furry Life

Posted under Episode 0, Story On By Chief

You are Bill Stans, a hunter. Unfortunately, you have just shot your dick off and must quickly find something to replace it
 with before the blood clots. You look around for anything that will work but all of them seem to be occupied by women or children who are screaming in pain. Your cock is still hard as stone so you grab one of those big black dildos hanging from the wall and stuff it into your now
 empty hole. It feels good! You feel like such a stud after using this toy on yourself and you wonder what other toys they have here. The only thing left is the last one which seems to be made out of glass.

You notice that the big black dildo has begun to transform you into a
 woman. Your body grows larger and longer and your breasts swell up until they reach their limit and burst open revealing two large milk-filled teats. Fur sprouts all over your body and your hands grow into paws with long sharp claws at the end.

You try to live your life normally.  You need to go to Home Depot to find drywall screws to hang your new flat screen television.  When you arrive at Home Depot, you get a lot of strange looks at your new Fursona.
 But when you see some of the customers buying tools, you decide to follow them home and watch them screw the shit out of their wives. After about ten minutes, you realize that most of these guys are jerking off while watching their wives getting screwed so you leave without purchasing any tools.

On the way home you receive a giant bouquet of flowers that Jason's son, Tony, got for you.
 He said he wanted to give you a gift because his dad had told him how much fun you were to talk to and you helped him through a rough time.
The next day, you meet up with Jason again and ask if there are any more women here that would want to play.

You tell Jason, "This is my full name: Mister Ratty Junior Mouse, the third Senior Doctor, the Third, Count Duke of Wales, the Squeaking Knight, the Knight-Errant of the Growling Ponies, the Great Shark of the Dark Sea, of the Dark Ocean, and the Prince of All Pests, Dominator of Chaos, Agent of Absolute Madlads, the Moving Mayhem Contingency, of the Kingdom of the freaks, his Eminence the Third, the Second, the First, the First Fourth, the First Fifth, the Second Sixth, the Third Seventh, & ‚Äčthe Fourth Eight"

Jason asks, "What do I call you?"
You say, "I am Bill Stans, a hunter."
He says, "Well, Bill Stans, welcome to the House of Freaks!"

You say, "Bitch you are level 2."

And then you both laugh.
A few days later, you are walking down the street and you see a girl wearing a purple bikini top and a pink skirt with her hair tied up in pigtails.

The girl says, "Hey, I know you. You are Bill Stans.  Are you a hunter for hire?"  She does not mention your Furry appearance and this pleases you.  You reply, "Yes I am, what do you need me to hunt?"

She says, "My name is Alexia. My parents own a restaurant and we are having a contest to see who can bring in the most business during the summer months. We need someone to help us make money."

You say, "Sounds easy enough. What kind of business?"
She says, "We have a website where people can order our food online and pay with a credit card. So far, nobody has ordered anything so we need to attract customers somehow."

You see that she wants you to use your hunter instinct to bait the restaurant and hunt the customers.  You agree and set the bait:

"So what kind of food do you serve?"
She replies, "Mexican, Italian, Chinese, Greek, Japanese, etc. Basically anything you can eat."
You say, "That sounds great.

You say, "I'll have the $40 sampler platter!"

She smiles and gives you the address of the restaurant.
You drive to the restaurant and park your car. As you walk towards the door, you notice that Alexia is staring at you and blushing furiously.

It hits finally hits you that you are about to become this restaurants first customer after months of being open.  You enter and are served right away.  You are shocked to see the sample platter contains the following entrees:

1) A Big Mac with Cheese (Fried Chicken Strips, French fries, and pickles on top)
2) Three Quarter Pounders with cheese (hamburger patty, lettuce, tomato, onion, ketchup, mustard, and pickle slices)
3) Two Double
 Cheeseburgers with fries (cheese burger patty, bacon, lettuce, tomato, onion, ketchup, and mayonnaise)
4) One Chicken Caesar Salad with Ranch dressing
5) Two Honey BBQ Pork Ribs
6) One Beef Gyro with tzatziki
7) One Calzone with sausage, pepperoni, ham, and mushrooms
8) One Buffalo Chicken Sandwich with blue cheese, buffalo, and ranch
9) One Veggie Pizza with marinara, spinach, onions, peppers, and pineapple
10) One Garden Vegetable Pasta

You dig in and tell Alexia, "what is this Shit? if you gonna give me Leftovers from a restaurant, just give me Five Guys not Mcdonalds!"

She says, "Oh! I'm sorry, I didn't know you were such a big fan of fast food. I will get you some salad instead."
You say, "No, I want to try it all.
 And I want the whole $40 platter."
She looks at you with a blank look and then says, "Oh ok, but I don't think you can finish everything."
You say, "I can eat a lot.
 Don't worry."
She hands you the bill and you pay for the entire platter.
You tell her, "Thank you so much. That was amazing. Now I am hungry again."

You become Alexia's number one customer.  The restaurant begins to attract other furry customers and the most popular item by far is the $40 sampler platter.  Alexia doesn't see to mind the strange clientele and is just happy that her restaurant is taking off.

One day, Jason comes into the restaurant and sees you sitting there eating another $40 sampler platter. He says, "Hey, you are back already. How many times did you order this thing?"

You tell Jason, "I've lost count!"  Jason notices that you have put on a grotesque amount of weight.
  You have gained a good 20 pounds since you started ordering the $40 sampler platter.
Jason says, "Bill, you need to stop this before it ruins your life."
You say, "I know.
 I will go on a diet tomorrow."
Jason says, "No! You need to go on a vacation somewhere. Go out of state or even outside the country. Get away from all these temptations.

You go to a Furry Convention in Montana called
 FurCon and meet up with some friends. They introduce you to several members of their community. One of them introduces you to a beautiful female fox named Jazmine. She is very friendly and seems interested in you.

You are about to ask Jazmine to dinner when you notice that there is a buffet in the convention center and you waddle towards it as fast as you can.  You bury yourself in a plate of ribs and then you realize you have a serious problem.

Jazmine is watching you devour the ribs. You can feel her eyes burning into your back. You know you must get rid of the meat on your face and turn around.
You turn around and see that Jazmine is standing right behind you with a smirk on her face.

You look up and see that Jazmine is also face first into a pile of ribs.  You laugh.

Jazmine says, "Bill! Bill!"
You say, "What? What?"
She grabs your hand and pulls you out of the convention hall.
You follow her to an empty room and she tells you that she has something important to tell you.

You say, "Okay, what is it?"
She says, "Do you remember how I said I had something important to tell you?"
You say, "Yes."
She says, "Well, here it is.
 I am pregnant."
You look at her with shock and say, "Pregnant?! But we only went out a few times."
She laughs and says, "Yeah, I know.

You ask what she is going to name the baby.

She says, "I haven't decided yet.
You say, "You're kidding! Why not?"
She says, "Because I want to make sure that you really love me and not just the child.

You come up with the name
 "Tiffany" and Jazmine smiles and says, "Ok, Tiffany it is."
You hug each other and then you go back to the convention hall.
The next day, Jazmine calls you and asks you to pick her up at noon because she wants to take you to
You say, "Sure, I'll be there."
When you arrive, she is dressed in a short white dress with a black ribbon around her neck.
You say, "Wow!

Jazmine gets down on one knee and proposes to you.  You accept and get married at the court house later that day.  You decide to celebrate by taking her to your favorite restaurant: Alexia's.

As you enter the restaurant, you see Alexia sitting at a table in the corner. She is wearing a long red gown and has a diamond ring on her finger.
Alexia looks at you and says, "Hello Bill."

You order two $40 sampler platters and whatever Jazmine wants.

Jazmine says, "Bill, I have a confession to make. I lied to you about being pregnant."
You say, "What? You mean...you're not?"
Jazmine says, "No.

throw a rib at the wall in anger

You say, "Why did you lie to me?"
She says, "Because I wanted to keep you for myself."
You say, "But you are my wife now."
She says, "Yeah, but I am still your secret girlfriend.

You throw you calzone on the ground.  Alexia notices you have become enraged and intervenes.  She asks that Jazmine leave while she talks to you.

You say, "No!
Alexia says, "Bill, I don't think you should do this.
You say, "Don't you understand? I love her. I would never cheat on her."

Alexia realizes you are talking about the sampler platter and not Jazmine.  You and Alexia go down to the court house, annul the marriage, and get you married to the sampler platter.

You ask Jazmine why she was lying to you and she says, "I knew you loved me so much that you wouldn't cheat on me.
You say, "I guess I just wanted to believe that."

You say, "It's bullshit, it's not true, I did not hit her, I did nawt."

Jazmine says, "No, no, I'm sorry Bill. I shouldn't have done that.
You say, "I guess I will forgive you if you promise to stop lying to me."

Jazmine says, "Okay, I promise."
You say, "Good."
You say, "Now, let's go home."
You say, "But first..."
Jazmine says, "Oh yes.

You order the premium $80 sampler platter which contains the following premium entrees:

Two pieces of bacon stuffed with jalapeno peppers and cheese
A whole chicken breast marinated in lemon juice and garlic butter
An entire roasted pig head with a side of pig's feet
All served with a selection of three different sauces.

The waiter asks if you want the $40 or $80 version.
You say, "Hmmm...let me think about that."
Jazmine says, "Bill, you've got to try it!"

You ask the waiter, "What is the recipe for the $80 version?"  The waiter lists out the recipe for the $80 version of the sampler platter:

Roast Pig Head (See above)
Bacon Stuffed Jalapeno Peppers
Whole Chicken Breast
Chicken Wings
Chili Dog
Pig's Feet
Fried Pickles
Corned Beef

You order the $80 version for you and Jazmine and consume the entire thing in one sitting.

After dinner, you both fall asleep on the couch.
In the morning, you wake up and Jazmine is gone.
You look all over the house and finally find her in the bedroom.

You ask her where she went and she says, "I left last night."
You say, "Well, I'm glad you're okay."
She says, "I had to get away from you."

You show Jazmine your giant milkers.

Jazmine says, "I know what those are."
You say, "Then you know I can't help it."
Jazmine says, "Bill, I love you but I cannot stay here.

You realize that Jazmine's parent are anit-Furry and are hear at your house to pick her up and take her to be "de-furified" by a local preacher.

You say, "Fine, I'll come with you."
You tell Jazmine to pack some clothes and essentials.
Jazmine says, "Bill, I am sorry.
You say, "Jazmine, I don't care about the money.

You arrive at the "Pray the Fur Away" camp and meet with it's headmaster: Preacher
Preacher Harry says, "Bill, I am going to pray the fur off of your 
wife and then you
You say, "No, please, don't do that."
Preacher Harry says, "Bill, I am sorry but this is the only way to save 
r soul

Preacher Harry turns on a propaganda video that shows the horrifying negatives of living a Furry life:

* "Wife-beating"
* "Unsanitary sex acts"
* "Public urination"
* "Drunkenness"
* "Drug use"
* "Abuse of animals"
You are horrified and start crying.

Preacher Harry then moves on to phase 2 and calls the furrexorcist!

You see the furrexorcist: Doctor Zog.
Doctor Zog says, "Bill, you are a good man and I will do everything I can to help you."
You say, "Please, doctor, I need you to cure my wife."

Doctor Zog looks at Jazmine and knows what he has to do.  Doctor Zog pulls out the bible and reads:

"Let him who is without sin cast the first stone."
He then proceeds to examine Jazmine and tells you that she is a virgin.
Jazmine says, "But, Bill, I'm not."

Doctor Zog says, "Don't worry.
You say, "Thank you, doctor."
Doctor Zog says, "Now, let's get started."
You are now in the prayer room with Jazmine.

Jazmine breaks the brainwashing that has started to take effect on you and tells you that everything they are telling you is lies.  You look for a way to escape the camp.

You say, "I have to get out of here!"
Jazmine says, "Bill, calm down.
You say, "How? How am I supposed to calm down?"

Jazmine says, "Bill, you are in the best place possible.
You say, "I don't believe you."
Jazmine says, "Bill, I am sorry but you are in the best place possible.

You run and dig under a fence to get out.  You realize Jazmine was using reverse psychology and it worked like a charm.

You say, "Jazmine, I forgive you."
Jazmine says, "Bill, you don't understand.

Jazmine shakes her head and you both run off into the woods to live like real animals for the night.

The next day, you both decide to go back home.
On the way, you see a car wreck.
You stop and help the driver.
You ask if anyone else is hurt and the driver says no.

You look in the other car and see that Doctor Zog has been killed.

You are distraught.
You and Jazmine arrive at your house and find your parents waiting there.
Your father says, "Jazmine, we are so glad you are okay."

You run outside and howl at the moon.

You look at the full moon and feel better.
You say, "I am sorry I did not listen to you."
You hug your mother and cry.
You are crying when your father walks out of the house.

You realize it is time to turn your life around.  You remove the big black dildo and transform back into a dickless human.  You exercise every day and eat a healthy diet and loose most of the weight.  You realize that the Furry life is just not for you.

You walk into town and meet up with Jazmine.
She says, "Bill, I am sorry I left you."
You say, "I forgive you."
Jazmine says, "Bill, I know that you are going to be happy again."

You smile and jump into the air.  Freeze frame!

My name is Franky.
I am an old friend of yours.
You are still very much a virgin.
You are also a big fan of mine.
I love all of your stories.

The moral of the story:

Furry Life is a great story!
See you next week!
Please send me some more of your stories.
My address is:
PO Box 775
Greenville, NC 27834