Tim Farts, pilot bachelor and balloon animal artist

Posted under Episode 5, Story On By Chief

You are an airplane pilot bachelor named Tim Farts and you are exceptional at making balloon animals.

> You arrive at the Balloon Animal Con in Cincinnati. A beautiful woman approaches you and says.

"I have a very special present for you". You look around, but there is no one else here to see this. "It's on the back of my head!" she exclaims. She pulls out a small package from her hair. "This is a balloon animal! It will float up to 100 feet high and then it will pop!"

You say "Oh wow, I didn't know balloons did that. You are so smart. Want to get dinner with me tonight?"

She looks at you like you just said something really stupid. "No". She says. "But I'll be seeing you tomorrow night". You smile and wave goodbye as you leave. The next day, you wake up early and go to work. The rest of the week goes by pretty quickly.

> You give her a call and talk about the date you went on.

The following Monday, you get a phone call from a girl who sounds familiar. "Hello? Hello? Is this...?" "Yes". You answer. "Who are you?" "My name is Tim Fart. I'm your new girlfriend". "What?! Who told you that?!" "A friend of mine told me..".

> You call the police and say you are a victim of identity theft.

You call the police and tell them what happened. They take your information and send someone over to check on your house. When they come, they find nothing amiss.

You say "I'm Tim Farts!!! The one and only!!! Please, you've got to believe me"

You hang up and sigh. You spend the rest of the week trying to make friends with other people. You don't succeed. You think about how you can change things around. You decide to try to become a famous comedian. You could do that if you were funny enough. On Thursday, you go to a comedy club called "The Laughing Skull".

> You while in the greenroom before your set, you look deep into the mirror and wonder who have you become.

While in the greenroom before your set, you look deep into the mirror and wonder who have you become.

> You continue.

As you walk down the street, you pass by a man wearing a red shirt and blue jeans. He has short brown hair and wears glasses. His eyes are wide open and he seems confused. He walks past you without looking back. You turn around and realize you are now walking towards him. "Hey, where are you going?" he asks.

> You go back to the comedy club and stay on stage until you hear genuine laughter.

After you finish your set, you return to the Comedy Club. As you enter, you notice that the place is empty. There are two doors to the right and left of you. You walk through the door to the right. Inside, you see a large crowd sitting around tables laughing and talking. You sit down at a table near the front.

> You begin to heckle the comedian on stage.

You stand up and start to yell at the comedian. "Why aren't you doing anything with your life? Why are you still living in a basement? What the hell is wrong with you?" You shout. Everyone laughs and claps. You feel better. You go back to your seat and continue to laugh. After awhile, you hear a knock on the door.

> You answer the door.

You open the door and see a tall, thin man dressed in black clothing. He wears sunglasses and carries a pistol in his hand. "Are you Mr. Farts?" he asks. "Yeah". You reply. "Well, I'm sorry to bother you, but I need to speak to you alone". "Okay..". You reply.

> You heckle him.

You raise your hands and begin to holler at the top of your lungs. "How long have you been living in a basement? How many times have you had sex? Where the hell did you learn how to read and write? And why are you still alive?" The audience starts to boo you. "Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!"

> You point out a police officer and start oinking like a pig.

You point at a policeman standing nearby and start oinking like a pig. "That's a pig! That's a pig! That's a pig!" the policeman shouts. "Stop it!" you shout. "Heck, stop it already! Stop it! This isn't funny anymore! You're not funny! You're a fucking idiot!"

> You curl into a ball on the floor and cry.

You curl into a ball on the floor and cry. "Please, please, please, no more jokes. No more jokes. No more jokes". You sob for hours. Finally, you fall asleep.

> You wake up and take your name back from the woman you met at the con.

You wake up and remember everything.