You are Skeletor, a guy who is evil on 364 days of the year. However, the Christmas spirit gets to you and you act less villainous on Christmas. He-Man and She-Ra tease you for this. You think the only way to get your dignity back is to destroy Santa Claus. You order your henchmen to capture him. "We'll be back in one hour," says Galactus. "Let's go." The next day they return with Santa Claus bound and gagged. > You ask what took so long. Galactus: I was busy! The other guys were too distracted by their own plans! (sigh) And now that we have our new toy, it's time to get serious about destroying Santa. > You interrogate Santa by asking him: "Who is the nicest person you know?" "What are your views on pie?" "How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? You and Galactus play good cop, bad cop with Santa until he starts to give you answers. "Who is the nicest person you know?" "Be warm and fuzzy? I dunno, that goose from all those years ago?" "What are your views on pie? > You slap santa in his holly jolly balls and demand answers! "What? I don't like pie! It's dry and flavorless!" "How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? > You grab a cream pie and shove it in Santa's face then you laugh. "Hahaha! You look like a clown!" You hear the door being kicked down. Multiple gunshots are fired and Galactus is struck in the head. He falls to the ground bleeding profusely. You drop to the floor and hide behind furniture. You look at doorway and Big Tooth, a mutant wood chuck trained to throw big logs, with two large assault rifles. You run for the window and jump out of it, being shot at the whole time. You roll in the snow, ignoring the pain in your limbs that you haven't used in hours. You put on a pair of cat ears, making you look incredibly cute, and run for the Yule Log Saw Mill where Big Tooth chases you down. He jumps on your back and knocks you to the snowy ground. "I got you now, you little bastard!" You are beaten with a thick tree branch and dragged into the mill. > You awaken strapped to a piece of oak on track to be sawn in half. you chew on the straps tying you down. You gnaw on the leather until it rips and you're free. You throw the piece of wood off of you and get into a fighting stance. You engage in an all night slugfest with Big Tooth. It leaves you very tired. You both stop fighting and Big Tooth walks out of the mill. You can see his whole body is covered in bruises. You lay down next to the fire and fall asleep. > You when you awaken at the fire its night and Big Tooth is still unconscious in the snow. You load up your shotgun and pump it, sending a shell into the chamber. "Let's get down to buisness," you say. You walk up to Big Tooth and aim your shotgun at his head. > You point the shotgun at his head and ask "What do you think of pies?" You pull the trigger and blow off Big Tooth's head, splattering blood everywhere. You fall backwards and begin laughing. You look up towards the sky and see Santa flying away on his sleigh. You stand up and taunt him. "Catch me if you can!" you yell. You grab Big Tooth and drag him to the sleigh where you strap yourself in as you consume mass quantities of drugs. You pursue Santa is a high speed sleigh chase through the night sky. You fire your shotguns at each other, throwing knives at each other and almost have a couple of face to face battles. After a few hours the sun rises and you see the North Pole ahead of you. > You know its now or never, you crash your sleigh into santa and jump onto his sleigh. You begin to choke Santa and ask Big Tooth for help. Big Tooth jumps on and begins choking Santa as well as you pull beard out of the way. You push santa to the edge of the sleigh. "Better off falling than dying," > You the two of you fight mid freefall. You fight mid freefall but Big Tooth manages overpower you. "You're out of your league," he says as you plummet to your death. You all fall straight into an industrial meat grinder and are turned into sausages for the elves to eat a post Christmas feast. THE END The moral of the story: It's better to die on your feet than to live on your knees.
Skeletor, a guy who is evil on 364 days of the year
Posted under Episode 281, Story On By Chief