Frankson, a government agent who has been given a very unseal assignment

Posted under Episode 279, Story On By Chief

You are Frankson, a government agent who has been given a very unseal assignment. You are tasked with capturing a man who has been selling bootleg DVDs of R-rated films to teens. His name is Tony. He makes DVDs that include the first 15 minutes of Sister Act 2 before cutting over to an R-rated film. You must stop Tony!

"What's this?" you ask as you enter the trailer. "This is what I call a 'cute' movie."

Tony looks up from his DVD player and smiles at you.
Tony says, "It's not illegal to own this movie, just to sell. You got nothin' on me."

You punch and kick the man until he is unconscious. You then drag him outside, put him in the back of your truck, and drive away.
Tony finds your zweihander in your trunk and stabs his way out through your backseat. You quickly pull over and point your gun at him.
"Don't make me shoot you, Tony. I don't want to."

"FUCK YOU!" he screams, and you pull the trigger.

> You shoot the sword out of his hand and say "No, fuck you"
You shoot the sword out of his hand and say "No, fuck you."
He glares at you and says "I'd still beat you in a fight."
You drive to an abandoned warehouse.
You introduce Tony to your Fight Club friends. You and Tony do a bare knuckle brawl in front of everyone. At first it's pretty even, but after a few hours of fighting, you ultimately prevail.
You drive back to the government agent building. You introduce the bloody body of Tony to your supervisor.
Robert Paulson hires Tony as a consultant. He's paid a lot of money to teach you how to fight dirty.
You go on vacation in Antartica. You spend a week ice fishing and fishing for seals. You return home after a wonderful week away.
You think Tony is ready for the level and you take him to see Ron Cumneedle. He's very impressed.
The Antartic level is a success!
You are now the most popular attraction at Freddy Fazbear's Pizza, and you're ready to close out this chapter of your life.
You work the late shift at Freddy Fazbear's Pizza after the night guard appears to have no showed. You turn on the TV and read a magazine while watching the cameras.
You hear a crash and quickly run to the kitchen. You hear growling and see FOXY sitting in the corner.
You run back to the monitor and see that BALLOR is out of his cage.

> You yell at FOXY and tell her "BALLOR is out of his cage. We have to catch him before it's too late!"
You turn on the lights and yell at FOXY to try to scare her back into her hiding spot. As you do, you realize she isn't something pretending to be humanlike, she actually is humanlike.
You lean in for a kiss with FOXY.
FOXY pushes you away and growls.
You turn on the lights and see that BALLOR is missing from his cage.
"Oh my god! Oh my god!" you scream.
You lean in for another kiss with FOXY. This time, she kisses you back.
You are wasting time and can't be doing this.
You arrive at the location, but nothing is there.

> You hear the mechanical squeak of greasey gears and look up to see BALLOR Big Ol' Animatronic Ballers teabag slowly down to your face.
With your last moments you look at the camera and mouth "I'm Sorry" to your mother in heaven.
The moral of the story: Ron Cumneedle is a dick and you're better off not trusting the devil himself.