Debra, a skinny bitch from the suburbs

Posted under Episode 278, Story On By Chief

You are Debra, a skinny bitch from the suburbs. Your ex-boyfriend George calls you and says, "Last Christmas, I gave you my heart. The very next day, you gave it away. This year, to save me from tears, I'm giving my heart to someone special. Fuck you, Debra."

That's right, he said fuck you!

> You cry as you clean your sniper rifle.
"Fuck you, George!" you shout in a voice that sounds like a broken record. "I don't give a shit what happens to you! I just want my fucking gun back!"
You shoot a warning shot at George right over his head and tell him, "You are NEVER EVER EVER getting rifle back together." Then you smash the sniper rifle on the ground and break it into many pieces.
You go home and lay in bed feeling sorry for yourself. You have no more boyfriend, no more gun, no more future. Then you remember there's a party going on at your neighbors.

> You know the party is a potluck, so you bring napkins. Everyone says it's fine but you know they all secretly despise your bitch ass.
When you step into the neighbor's house, it's a full on party. There're people all over the place, a keg in the corner, and the Rolling Stones on full blast.
Suddenly you see George.
It's George Michael, British singer and former Lead Singer of Wham, you rush over to him and tell him your life story.
When you finish he says, "Oh dear girl. I think you need to go back home."
He takes your hand and leads you out of the party and to a cab.

> You tell George Michael, "My god, I thought you were someone I could rely on."
"George, you're the best!"
You kiss him right on the lips and give him a huge hug.
George Michael gets in the cab and goes home with you.
You both have a lovely night and fall asleep in each others arms.
You wake up and standing above you and George Michael is your exboyfriend George holding his sniper rifle that he put back together.
"I've come to take you home, baby," he says coldly.
You tell him you're not going anywhere, and George says, "Fine, I'm going to blow his brains out!"

> You the Georges begin to fight over the rifle and you cant tell which is which as they sweatily wrestle.
You scream out to George Michael, "Which one are you?" He says, "I'm the one who likes Long John Silvers!"
Then the other George gets him in a headlock.

> You throw fried shrimp into the melee to see which George will grab at it. You yell, "What's your favorite menu item?"
George answers Long John Silvers, then struggles to grab the shrimp.
You know it's him!
You knock out your exboyfriend and embrace George Michael. You smell his hair and George Michael sings to you.
"We saw stars that touch the milky way,
And listened to the whisper of each others hearts.
I offer you these shared memories as proof, love can sometimes be timeless."

> You are touched and begin to cry into his bosom?
You get married in an amazing white wedding and live happily ever after.
You have reached the "Happy Ending?" of Half-Life: Full Life Consequences.

> You and George Michael have twins. You name Careless and Whisper.
You raise your adorable twins, and George works in the mines. One day, a freak stalker attack takes your life.
You leave this world without really leaving a mark on it.
At your funeral, George performs a duet with Whisper in your honor. Your coffin is moved to a cemetery a few miles outside of town.
They never found the stalker that killed you.
The moral of the story: Stalkers are deadly.
Click Here To Continue...