Jinglebell, a poor soul who’s parents are Christmas Fanatics

Posted under Episode 276, Story On By Chief

You are Jinglebell, a poor soul who's parents are Christmas Fanatics. Every year around December you begin to dread not only your insane parents, but the bastards at work, who will incessantly play Jinglebell Rock. One year you decide enough is enough, and you will make them all pay for their crimes against music! You will destroy them all...

This game is very simple. The player must use his guitar to play the song "Jingle Bells"
You play "Jingle Bells" on your guitar and Billy-Bob, the Christmas in-bred squirrel appears in your window. He says, "What the hell are you doing?" You reply, "I'm playing 'Jingle Bells' on my guitar." He replies, "Oh yeah? Well what kind of music is it?"
Billy-Bob introduces you to his musician friend Bobby Helms, the guy who sang "Jingle Bell Rock".  You play "Jingle Bell Rock" on your guitar and suddenly, a portal opens behind you...
You enter the portal and find yourself in a weird, yet familiar place.

> You are at your stepfather Chet's cabin. He is standing in front of the fireplace, heating his nuts.
This is a scenario that you have experienced many times as a child, but you never thought you'd see it again. You are in the cabin of your stepfather, Chet.
You see your stepfather Chet lean in to kiss your mother who is laying in front of the fireplace in lingerie on a reindeer skin rug.
Your mother is drunk out of her mind, but you notice she does not object.
Even though you are young, you are very familiar with this kind of behavior between your parents.

> You witness your stepfather Chet sing "Jingle Bell Rock" as he has sex with your drunk mother.
You sit by the fire and watch this spectacle in awe.
Chet fumbles around with the buttons on the record player and finally gets it to work.
He begins to sing "Jingle Bell Rock" as he has sex with your mother.
Soon, the rest of your family begins to join in the singing and dancing as well:
Your drunk uncle Al yells, "Get yer fuckin' trombone!"

> You fly into a beserker rage.
You are a mentally unstable person suffering from delusions. This is your reality...
You wield the axe of blood!
The scottish persons giant jugular vein has been struck!
The Scottish person screams "ach, me fookin blood is gooin all oover the place"
You have killed the Scottish person!
You have won the game!
A portal opens and beckons you inside.
The screaming has stopped and silence now fills the air.
You pick yer fuckin' trombone and play a victory.
You basked in the glory of your success as you ride off into the sunset.
You have completed your quest!

> You travel the land playing yer fuckin' trombone.
You love music so much that you spend the rest of your days wandering the land, playing whatever you feel like.
You live the rest of your life in bliss and happiness as the world turns and spins on...
its a normal November day in a grocery store when you hear "Jingle Bell Rock" playing in the store. The store manager is so happy that you've arrived, he hires you on the spot.
From then on, you play "Jingle Bell Rock" for the rest of your days...
The moral of the story:
Play "Jingle Bell Rock" for the mentally insane.