You are Stacy, a woman who remembers that Family Guy episode where Peter had to refill a sperm bank. To your horror, what you thought was a funny concept has become your reality! A DNA test from Ancestry.com has revealed your family doctor to be your biological father. You call your doctor and he tells you he has likely fathered dozens, if not hundreds of children with women who came to his fertility clinic in the Michigan area. That's pretty gross! You discover you have over a dozen half-brothers and sisters living within walking distance. But you decide to make the most of an awkward situation. With a pitch in hand and a dozen half-siblings in tow, you enter the lobby of the TLC Television Network. "Hello? Is this Mr. Garrison?" The receptionist answers. "Yes, it is." You wait in the lobby read y to pitch a reality show based on your life and you meet Dr Feel Good, the Koala Doctor. He looks at you like you're crazy. "This is a very unusual idea for us," he says. "We've never done one before." Despite Dr Feel Good's reservations, TLC picks up your show for 12 season. It becomes one of their highest rated shows ever and your family make hundreds of millions. Your success makes doctors across the country start doing the same thing. You realize what you have done and try to get the show cancelled. Unfortunately it's too late. > You decide to have hundreds of children of your own and start a competing show. To hell with it! You've got hundreds of kids, you can't stop now. After all your mother spawned you and she's just one woman. Your show, My 600 Children Life, becomes wildly popular, however raising that many children alone is an incredible burden to take on alone. So you start another show TLC to find a husband. You marry an older man with money and you settle down in a mansion. Your mother is your maid of honor at your wedding. > You make a show about the search for your husband, called, "Clum Hunt." You make a show about your search for a husband called, Clum Hunt. You get many letters from men in prison. You find the clown in prison that you think is the one. You visit Bozo in prison for a face to face meeting. He has a nice house, a pool, and he's almost always smiling. He seems like the perfect candidate. After marrying Bozo, you write a book, "I Married A Clown." > You start a new tv show called "I'm married to two men and have 600 kids" You've got three husbands, hundreds of children, and a mansion. What else could you want? More money of course! You start a new show called, "I'm Married To Two Men And Have Six Hundred Kids." > You the tension of always being in front of the camera ruins your marriage with Bozo. You go on to create a show called "Tears of a Clown." You begin to cry. "WAAAAAAAAAA!" You sob "What happened?" Your husband asks. "They've found out my husband is a clown. They hate me! They all hate me!" You're sitting in the car parked outside your mansion in Michigan. The kids and the other husbands are inside. TLC call and you lose all of your show and endorsement deals. Not to mention you can never work in the entertainment industry again. Your tears dry and you wipe your eyes. You step out of the car and open the door to your mansion. You step inside. > You say "Unless...." You go into the bathroom connected to your bedroom. The kids are already asleep in their rooms, as is Boz. In the medicine cabinet you look for painkillers. You find some and dry swallow them. You take all the painkillers and become immune to pain. You join the police force and are given a new reality show. The show is a hit, and you become famous once more. The moral of the story: Drugs are bad. Don't do drugs. You decide to follow the path of least resistance and become a washed up celebrity.
Stacy, a woman who remembers that Family Guy episode where Peter had to refill a sperm bank
Posted under Episode 275, Story On By Chief