Tug Muffington, porn star that wants to be a real actor

You are Tug Muffington, a well known porn star. After playing 'Tanya's Father' in the classic family Christmas movie "Jingle blue balls", you decide to leave the porn industry and become a Hollywood star.

But first, you have to get your ass kicked by some of those dirty rednecks that live up north.
You walk through the woods and sing, "Jingle Blue balls, Jingle Blue Balls, batman smells, Robin flew away". You then proceed to kick some ass!

The next day, you wake up and realize it is still dark out. The sun has not risen yet so you decide to go for a run in the morning.

> You jog past Ron Jeremy. He says "looking good kid"
You jog past Rondy Jackson. He says "I love you"
You jog past a group of them and get chased!
The chase you for 5 minutes before you shake them off.
A Producer sees you jogging and hire you to a stunt jogger for Jeremy Renner.  You agree as long as you can also be in the movie. The producer agrees
You are now A Jogger.
It is your first day on set. Before your scene begins, you demand the director give you more lines of dialogue. The director says okay.
You are now A Jogger and in one scene you have 2 lines of dialogue.
The next day, you realize your wallet is missing.

> You suspect Jeremy Renner stole your wallet. You confront him in his trailer.
You enter the trailer and see Renner sitting on a chair with your wallet in his hand.
"I knew it was you who stole my wallet!" you yell.
"I didn't steal your wallet"

> You say " I genuinely hate foreigners."
You walk out the trailer.
"I genuinely hate foreigners"
You realize that was a major mistake. You are kidnapped be foreigner and sold into slavery in the Middle East.
You are assigned to fight in the colosseum as a slave warrior in the middle east. Your life has taken a turn for the worst.
You are killed by the main villain's cruel son in the final battle.

> You are brought back to life by a middle eastern human resources slavery representative.
You are brought back to life by a middle eastern human resources slavery representative and given a job as a slave warrior in the middle east.

> You demand a rematch with the main villain's cruel son. You are better prepared this time.
You demand a rematch with the main villain's cruel son. You are better prepared this time. You kill him this time.
The sheik recognizes you from your porn movies. He says, "Salaam Alakhum" to you.  You are shocked. He gives you a fabulous suite in his palace. You live happily ever after.
You are now happy as a prince in a palace in the Middle East.

> You try to marry the princess who is dating Jeremy Renner. You attempt to steal her love away.
You attempt to steal her love away. You are imprisoned in a tower where you are forced to watch endless amounts of Renner's films.
You commit suicide by jumping off the tower to end your life.

> You end in hell, where you're punishment is to watch nothing but Jeremy Renner films.
You end in hell, where you're punishment is to watch nothing but Renner films. You realize he was right, you should have been nice to him.
The moral of the story: Be nice to all living things, even the people you hate.