Tony, a guy who became a zookeeper because he loves elephants

Posted under Episode 270, Story On By Chief

You are Tony, a guy who became a zookeeper because he loves elephants. You take a lot of time and effort into feeding the elephants, giving them water and giving them Band-Aids when they get hurt. However, you don't bother checking up on the other animals. Your boss is mad at you.

"Tony! What the hell are you doing? I told you to check up on those other animals!" he shouts. "What if one of them got hit by a car?

> You say "I only have enough love for the elephants"
"I only have enough love for the elephants," you reply.

Your boss looks at you in disbelief. He has never seen an elephant before, let alone one that was so young.
"The hell is wrong with you?! I'm sorry but if you want to keep your job then you're going to have to at least act like you care about the other animals!" he yells.

> You are sad about having to pay less attention to the elephants and go to your favorite elephant, Sugarsmacks, for some comfort.
You walk over to the eldest of your three elephants, a wise old elephant who you have named 'Sugarsmacks'.
Sugarsmacks warns you of a rogue komodo dragon, Eragon, who wants to attack our boss.
"How do you know this?" you ask.
"I have my ways," The wise elephant responds. "The question is, will you help me?"
Your boss steps in.

> You see Eragon stalking behind your boss, preparing to strike. you ask Sugarsmacks to intervene.
"Sugarsmacks, will you please step in and stop the rogue komodo dragon from attacking my boss?"
Sugarsmacks focuses on you with an angry glare.

> You smack the komodo dragon with a broom and say "Stop it. Stop it right now."
"The only one around here who should be getting attacked is you," says the rogue komodo dragon.
You try to run, but the Komodo Dragon leaps on you and bites your neck.
Goldentusk, a heroic raccoon, appears and chops the komodo dragon's head off with a samurai sword. You are saved, but Sugarsnacks cries out that you have a started a war with the reptiles!.
You've been killed by the Komodo Dragon, but at least you went out fighting.
The elephants suck out the poison and you are brought back to life.
You begin to get angry. You shout at the rogue komodo dragon, but you are so mad that you accidentally burst into flame, burning down the entire zoo.
You have freed Sonic the Hedgehog from his zoo prison and he goes fast out of the park. It has been the most eventful day of your life.
You have saved the animals from their zoo prison and made a lifelong friend in Goldentusk. What will you do next?

> You go and get some chili dogs with Sonic.
You walk over to the chili dog stand and see that it is closed for repairs. A sign reads "Will Reopen in Five Days."
You think you'll go insane before then.

> You go insane waiting for the chili dogs.
You haven't eaten in three days and have gone completely insane. You shit yourself just before eating a pigeon and begin to howl at the sky.

> You your insanity grows.
The world around begins to lose its shape and form. You are in a void, with only things you imagine existing.
You eat an elephant and begin to levitate.
Well done.
As you levitate, the more insane you grow until you finally have a complete mental breakdown. You are committed to an insane asylum where you remain for the rest of your natural life, screaming at the ghosts that nobody else can see.
You've gone completely mad and nobody can help you now.
The moral of the story: Don't eat too many chili dogs.