You are Dean Brandson, a struggling scriptwriter who has been asked by Dr ReinDr0b to make a Christmas Movie about ReinDr0b Industries products being the best Christmas gifts. You have no idea what this movie is going to be about or how it's going to turn out, but you know that if you don't get some help soon, your life will probably not be very different from it right now. And so you head down to the local bar and ask around for any kind of help you can find. > You tell everyone in the bar your troubled past and beg them for help. You enter the bar and approach a big guy in black shades. 'Excuse me,' you say, 'But do you know where I could find a screenwriter?' 'A screenwriter? > You the big guy in black shades points you toward a black guy in big shades. The big guy in black shades points you toward the black guy in big shades. You walk over to him and he turns around, revealing that it is Dr ReinDr0b! Dr ReinDr0b asks you how the movie is going and you say, "Great, just looking for some help with the script, the production, and the editing, and marketing. Oh and distribution." 'I see, I see. Well I think I can help you with just about everything expect marketing. So what do you need? Dr ReinDr0b puts you in touch with Jackie Treehorn, smut producer, sitting at the end of the bar alone slamming shots of Jack Daniels. 'I need a porn movie made and I need it fast. You in?' you say, sliding into the seat next to him. 'What's it pay? > You say "The 12 days of Fistmas. All of our sex toys are being supplied by Reindrob Industries." 'Well I don't really do that kind of stuff. Maybe we could try and work something out. You stay up all night and pump out a first draft of a script of the Christmas movie called: The 12 days of fistmas. The 12 day of fistmas A Cenobite tells Pinhead and the rest how much he enjoyed Christmas. > You gather the cast and crew in your bathroom and begin filming. You wake up in the middle of the night and you're shivering from all the cold. You had to sleep in an alley because you couldn't pay for a hotel. You are excited for the first day of filming, you have an all star cast of actors including the following 10 stars: Robert Deniro as 'Cenobite #1' Tom Sizemore as 'Detective' Brenda Blethyn as 'Mrs. Flint' Somni as 'Paramedic' Melania Mall as 'Penny' Peach Saliva as 'Colin' Tug Muffington as 'Tanya's Father' Tiffany Snow as 'Tanya' Brent Dax as 'Captain' You make sure your camera is fully charged and your shotgun is filled with shells. You send the first set of daily's to Dr ReinDr0b and he reacts very strongly to the first set of daily's and says he will be very angry if he doesn't recieve a finished product. You gather the cast and crew, and begin filming the first scene. You pull out a box of Reindrob industries sex toys and begin the first scene. "Alright everyone! This is a sex toy ad. You may begin," you announce. A group of paramedics rush into the room and look for somone to save. "Over here! Over here!" The paramedics begin giving mouth to mouth to a sex toy. "Alright everyone! We only have one take! Let's go!" You begin the scene again. "Over here! Over here!" The paramedics begin giving mouth to mouth to a sex toy. The paramedics start doing the following weird sex moves: The first paramedic starts jerking off a sex toy. The second paramedic sucks on the sex toy's toe. The third paramedic shoves a dildo up the sex toy's ass. You finish the movie the movie and attend the premiere. You nervously wait outside the theater to see how people react. The movie ends and you overhear people say the movie is, "Really good." "Wow that was really good. I really liked the part when..." someone says. You made it. You found success and you did it all yourself. You see Tony walk by and say, "I am angry that there were not yawns in the film!" You continue to celebrate and finally arrive home. Trouble with the law (Assisted suicide) You are at home when suddenly, the police arrive. "Come out with your hands up!" They say. "You got the wrong house, officers, no one here did anything wrong," you say. "We'll see about that," they reply. The moral of the story: When the police come to your door, you're fucked. This is the story of how I escaped from jail using a bar of soap.