Prince Town, Prince of Princetown

Posted under Episode 264, Story On By Chief

Your name is Prince Town. You are the Prince of Princetown. Your father died a few years ago, and your mother has been raising you since then.

> You long to run to away to Fancy Town and be a dressmaker, but you mother reminds you that you have responsibilities here.
You wish for freedom, but your mother insists on being here with you. She tells you that she will go out and find work as usual, so when you grow up, it will all be yours.
You see your mother starts dating King Town, the King of Kingtown, not related to you. He is a good king, and provides for the common people well.
You go to school often, and learn many things, especially about the towns in the area.
You see a poster with the top ten most interesting facts of the surrounding area, it reads:
1: There are ten monster-filled caverns near the town of Kingtown
2: There is a man who lives on top of a mountain, and has not fallen off
3: There are tribe of people who worship a tree
4: There are two towns that are at war with each other
5: There is a man who eats glass and poisonous berries for fun
6: There are rocks that float in the air
7: There are cave filled with millions upon millions of bats
8: There is a tribe of people who paint themselves blue
9: There is a fairy forest to the east
10: There are over 35 different kinds of taffy shops within ten miles
You learn about many things, and when you grow up, you want to be an adventurer, like your uncle Luge Town.
You get a visit from Burger Burg, The Burger of Burgerburg, and he tells you that your hometown has been taken over by monsters, and that everyone there has been taken away or killed. You don't know what to do.

> You return home and find the town has been renamed Nothing Town. You meet Mayor Nothing, the major of Nothing Town.
You become very good friends with Mayor Nothing, as the two of you talk about life in the unique town that you grew up. Your mother starts dating King Town again, and they get married.
You and your distant cousin, Nuke Town, the Nuke of Nuketown, unleash millions of bats on your Mom's wedding day ruining it.
King Town gets mad, and bans you from the wedding. You and your friends consider this payback for the time he caught you with a girl in his castle when you were younger.

> You go to Dead Town to visit your father's grave.
As you walk towards the graveyard, you pass through several towns: Happy Town, Crappy Town, Lame Town, Weird Town, and Shitty Town.

> You put a bouquet of flowers on your fathers grave and say a prayer by saying.
As you leave the graveyard, you think about how your father would react if he knew that you had spent your life savings on flowers for his grave.
You see someone approach your father's grave, it is The Prince Formerly Known As Prince.
He tells you that he recently escaped from several years of his parents trying to force him to get married, and he was sulking to his Mom The Queen about it when she mentioned your father.

> You realize the prince is your half-brother. You lean in for a kiss.
The Prince takes you back to his castle, and ravishes your body in ways that you didn't think was possible.
The next day, you and the prince go on a road trip to explore the world.

> You visit the following ten interesting places:.
1: Interesting Place #1
2: Interesting Place #2
3: Interesting Place #3
4: Interesting Place #4
5: Interesting Place #5
6: Interesting Place #6
7: Interesting Place #7
8: Interesting Place #8
9: Interesting Place #9
10: Interesting Place #10
You continue to have an exciting life, as you are now in your 80's.
You and the Prince formerly known as Prince get some hot fresh taffy and eat it by the lake.
You soon die in your sleep that night, as your nephews and nieces pay their respects to you.
You will be missed.

> You are buried in Shitty Town, per your last wishes.
Bertrand Russell would fellow adventurer, a piece of taffy and your glass of water.
You gain a legacy as the famous explorer who brought civilization to a portion of the world and inspired future generations.
Choose your fate...
The moral of the story: Bertrand Russell was right.