Edward Helmsley, a struggling theme park architect

Posted under Episode 261, Story On By Chief

You are Edward Helmsley, a struggling theme park architect. You're currently working for Wacky World, a failing theme park and you need to come up with a ride to save the park with a very small budget. In a moment of madness, you get black out drunk and write up the first thing you think of. It looks like a roller coaster, but it's not. It's an amusement ride that goes around in circles.

The idea is so bad that your boss doesn't even give it a second thought.
You convince your boss IT IS a good idea! He'll love it! The only problem is he has no money to build it. So you have to go back on your original plan and come up with something else.
You remove all the safety features and suddenly your plans for a new ride are under budget. Your boss loves it, but when he asks about the safety measures, you change the subject. Cory Jeldman, a man you have hired to test the roller coaster, reveals his name can cause Female Orgasms. You ignore this piece of information.
The roller coaster ends up killing a few of the park guests and putting the rest in the hospital. You are fired and heavily blamed for the incident.

> You put in an application at Action Park and are hired to create a new waterslide.
You continue working at the park, creating a few failed rides and suffering a few personal tragedies.
Your brother, Chad is a ride designer at a much more successful theme park.
You reluctantly call your brother Chad and ask him for advice. You tell him about your personal tragedies. He mails you a coin that makes all your poor ideas very convincing.
You use the coin on Wacky World's owner, and convince him to spend all the money he has on your next idea. He trusts you completely and goes through with the idea.
You create a ride with the following 10 dangerous but exciting features:
-No Seat Belts
-No Helmet Requirements
-No Minimum Age Requirement
-Minimum Warning Signage
-Maximum Speed Limit of 45 Miles Per Hour
"Hold on to your butts"
The results are disastrous. 100% mortality rate. You are in the middle of cleaning all the blood off the ride when Tony, an officer that wants to arrest you for getting park guests killed, walks up to you.
"Hi, I'm looking for the guy who designed this ride," He says, "There are reports that 100% of park guests died on it.
You show Tony your magic coin and convince him the ride is a good idea. He immediately arrests you.
You later escape from jail and board a plane to Mexico.
Tony chases you to Mexico, but he has no power here. He can only watch helplessly as you design a new, drug dealer-themed amusement park. 
Tony chases you to Mexico, but he has no power here. You design a new, drug dealer-themed amusement park. 
You are killed by a drug cartel after the park's grand opening.
Sadly, this story had a tragic ending.
Your tombstone reads, "Fun happened here."
Your roller coaster designs are considered to be the worst ever and you go down in history as a result.
The moral of the story: Always consider rider safety to be a priority.
You have reached the "Bad Ending".