Jaque, a lowly dungeon keeper for a local dark lord called Morgath the Foul

Posted under Episode 259, Story On By Chief

You are Jaque, a lowly dungeon keeper for a local dark lord called Morgath the Foul. You have the unenviable task of convincing your masters goblin minions to stay in his service despite his acts of random cruelty. When you enter the goblin's den you see the goblins fiddling with some sort of device and they suddenly stop what they were doing. They stare at you as if expecting something from you.

> You snatch the device from them and say "Gimme that device!"
You grab the device and start trying to get it working. The goblins don't even look surprised by this action. They just continue their game of chance.
You realize the device is a PS5, "Fifty Shades of Grey" special extended edition.  You put it into your bag

"Master, you took the slave ball?" a goblin says.

> You choke the goblin and scream "Where did you get this!??"
You tighten your grip around the goblins neck. It chokes as you strangle it. It tries to yell but only squeaks come out of its lungs, "I... don't... know..."
You take a cat of nine tails off the wall and start whipping the next goblin to find out where they got the PS5 from. It doesn't take long before one of the goblins reveals the culprit, his name is Gruzub and he got it from a dark elf by the name of Kor.
You inform your master of this information.
Morgath the Foul tells you he is pleased with your work. He gives you the following items as a reward:  a large bag of cash, a potion of invisibility, and a cursed pair of dice which turns the user into a gambling addict.
You roll the dice and they display a triple one.

> You gamble away your bag of cash. You double down, and when they come to collect you use your potion of invisibility to escape.
They catch you as you try to leave the city.
You are put to death by being forced to watch the extended edition of Fifty Shades of Grey.
You realize this is going to take a while. You notice there is another person in the gallows with you. It is Ashy Larry, perennial dice loser. You summon all your strength and kill him in order to save yourself. You live another day to gamble another day...
You reach level four.
You gain the following gambling addict skills:
Bribe coppers (Beginner)
You are skilled at convincing weak-willed guards to look away when you try to acquire goods that a merchant doesn't wish to part with.

> You escape the dungeon and head to a nearby gambling den. You look around and see.
You are in a castle jail cell. You think about your next move.

> You bet your cell mate for their jail time. you roll the dice you've made of rat turds and toilet paper and they land on.
You win, and your cellmate is left with no possessions. You take their jail time as your own. You look at the guard for the next cell.
You call to them, and they look over to you.
The guard, Greasy McGoo, walks over an hold out his hand for a bribe. You hand him a bag of coins, and he heads back to his seat and opens the bottle of wine he got from somewhere.
You realize you are in a strong position to negotiate.

> You bet him to let you free.
"Hey, let me g and I'll double the payment," you say.
"No way," he says.
You roll the dice, and they come up a one.
You tell the guard, "Looks like you lost" and start to leave the dungeon.
The guard pulls out his pistol, telling you to stay in the dungeon.
You try to run, and find he has Quick Draw, which means he fires his pistol before you can move.
Morgath sees the shooting on the security camera. He enters the jail cell and yells at the guard and whips him. He lets you free.
Morgath has just saved your life, the least you could do is join him on his quest.
Morgath leads you through the jail tunnels. You find a shaft leading up, which you climb up.
The moral of the story: even if you are bailed out of jail, YOU STILL ARE IN JAIL.