Earl, kidnapped and thrown in a padded cell

Posted under Episode 259, Story On By Chief

You are Earl. You wake up one day to find that you have been kidnapped. Or at least, you assume you were, because your bedroom doesn't normally look like a weird underground padded bunker. You neither see nor hear any signs of life, let alone your captors. You feel fine, but then again you haven't eaten in days either.

The first thing you do is check your phone, which has been completely wiped clean.
You realize you have a rare health condition that makes you hear "Hey Mickey" all day, every day in your head. It never stops. 

You call your brother who lives out of town, and he's not answering his cell. He hasn't heard from you in a long time.

> You decide to laser piss your way out of the bunker.
You turn on your laptop and try to find a way out of here. The bunker apparently has good wifi.

> You find a man in a labcoat and hold him at cockpoint and yell "tell me how to get out of here or you're next!"
Suddenly, you see him starting to pull out a gun. You quickly aim your laser stream on his head and he drops the weapon.
You are about to escape when you see Cory, a police officer who was hired to rescue you, but got captured, too. He is missing his spine and wants to know if he can borrow yours. 

"No" you reply and shoot him in the chest.
You spot a second exit in the bunker. It looks like there is some sort of secret tunnel which you could escape down.

> You head down the tunnel and find.
You don't find anything. You only end up in the middle of a cornfield and you get heat stroke.

> You drink some fresh corn water to quench your thirst. you find an old scroll in the soils that has 10 Ways to Resurrect Dr. Reindrob:
1. Send the body to a cryogenics lab and wait until they invent immortality
2. Find a way to bring him back like the vampires do
3. Transplant his brain into a robot body
4. Get a shaman to raise him again after you secretly drug him
5. Find a way to bring him back from the dead
6. Send his consciousness back in time with a time machine
7. Wait until the Good Doctor invents immortality and then go kidnap him
8. Kill everyone at the lab and take his corpse
9. Kill them again, this time making sure they are all dead
10. 975% of people brought back from the dead end up insane.
You call Jaman the Shaman. He is your Shaman friend from highschool. You chit chat on the phone and ask if he can raise someone from the dead as a favor. He says he can, but that it is incredibly dangerous.
"Why?" you ask.
"Negative energy and restless spirits can easily possess your body.

> You say "Don't worry, I can cannon shit."
He asks what you mean and you tell him that you can shit so hard that it'll blast through bricks. He says he trusts your abilities.
You start the ritual to bring back Dr Reindrob from the grave. You begin by putting on some of your nicest clothes. You walk to the graveyard with a shovel. After looking around, you find a fresh grave and start digging.
You hop in the dug out grave with Jaman the Shaman and ask him what is going on since Dr Reindrob's body is floating in space.
"I don't have time to explain, we need to raise him now"
You begin chanting and a portal opens up.

> You cannon shit into the portal, and the gravitational waves pull Dr. Reindrob's body through the portal.
The portal sucks in everything around it, including Dr. Reindrob.
"Nice one," says the Shaman. He begins chanting again, and a new portal opens up.
out of the portal walks Rayman the shaman, Jaman the shamans brother with Dr. Reindrobs slowly breathing body. He drops Dr. Reindrob on the ground and says "stop throwing your trash in my portals!"
The Shaman says he is sorry, but thanks you for raising him from the grave.
Dr Reindrob sit ups and you cheer! Dr Reindrob gives you a thumbs up and then leaps into the sunset.
You reached the ending of Honk Honk, Good Bye 2.
The moral of the story: Never get accepted to a mental asylum.