You are Dan Manning, a former Rock musician who left his band Wild Fire when he found out his girlfriend was pregnant 15 years ago. When you left Wild Fire they became the biggest children-rock band in the world. They make rock rock music for kids. You want to rejoin the band after being a stay at home dad looking after your daughter but the band don't want you back as your replacement Fred Wilson is the star of the band. The only way you can get back into the band is if you become a professional shredder and that's what you're going to do. The first thing you have to do is buy yourself some new clothes. > You go to the Gap For Rockstars to pick out a lead guitarist cardigan. You head to the Gap where you find a lead guitarist cardigan. It looks really nice on you so you grab it and leave with it. you ask the employees how you look and they all stifle laughter as they say "it looks greats, you wear it well" you assume they are being sarcastic but you don't really care because in your mind you look awesome! You pay for the cardigan and leave. You find you old guitar teacher in the sewers, Master Splinter looks up from eating garbage and asks what the hell you want. You hand him a guitar and ask, "Teach me again, please." "I thought I already taught you everything you needed to know," says Splinter. You reveal your trouble past to Splinter and tell him that you've forgot a lot of his teachings. Splinter says "Very Well" as he hands you his half eaten pizza. You practice for hours on end and soon you actually remember everything and then some. Soon all the sewer children find their way to your beautiful rock music for kids and start dancing. Soon Splinter is dancing too and he looks happier than you've ever seen him. Suddenly a news helicopter flies overhead and spots you all. All the kids and even master Splinter run away, but you see four Prepubescent Mutant Ninja Turtles that continue to dance. A reporter, August O'halen, descends from the helicopter to interview you and your hot new music. He asks you your name and you say "I'm the new shredder of rock music for kids". "What are you doing with those four dancing teenage turtles?" asks O'halen. you say "nothing illicit surely" "Good," says O'halen. The next day you release your first album, "The New Shredder of Rock Music for Kids" which sells 1.6 million copies and holds the number one spot for twelve weeks in a row. Your old band Wild Fire tracks you down and asks for your forgiveness. You happily forgive them and play a few concerts with them. You also get to keep the turtle children as pets and they never leave your side again. Splinter, your new music manager, tells you that all the sewer kids are pirating your album. You become so popular that a movie about you is made and the band that you once were a member of, Wild Fire, wins a grammy for their album which contains your songs. Your old girlfriend calls you can tells you she didn't have an abortion 15 years ago. She wants part of your fortune as back child support. You agree as long as she has to share part of it with you. Your life is a dream come true. > You hatch a plan to set off a bomb at a Wildfire concert, but the bomb blows up in your face, badly scarring and forcing you to wear a mask. You hatch a plan to set off a bomb at a Wildfire concert, but the bomb blows up in your face, badly scarring you and causing you to lose an eye. Your turtle "pets" escape and learn karate and you vow to get your revenge on all the people who have wronged you. Your now disfigured face inspires many other malcontents and you become the leader of a gang. You rule the city streets with an iron fist until one day, the police corner you and blow your brains out. The moral of the story: Don't mess with rock n' roll.
Dan Manning, a former Rock musician who left his child-rock band Wild Fire
Posted under Episode 258, Story On By Chief