Terra Tount, a novice time patroller

Posted under Episode 257, Story On By Chief

You are Terra Tount, a novice time patroller trying to follow in your brother's footsteps. You graduate from the academy and are given your first mission: Go back in time and stop an alien invasion.

The mission goes well, but you get ambushed by aliens on the way home. The only survivors are two children who tell you that they saw a UFO crash near their town.

> You interrogate the children about the location of the crashed UFO.
You decide to go back in time and find out what happened to the aliens. You know that it must be somewhere near your hometown because you heard about a UFO crash there once before.

> You go to the library and look for information on any UFO sightings in the past.big
You look up newspaper archives and old magazines to see if you can find any information about a crashed flying saucer. There are a few pictures of burnt trees, but that's all you can find.

> You ask the burnt alien next to you if he's seen crashed flying saucers lately.
After a few hours of looking through the library, you find nothing. You were so engrossed in your search that you forgot that you're lying next to a corpse.
Suddenly you hear a rumbling in the library and then Stonthrax, a gigantic time-traveling alien monster that suddenly breaks free from the underground and tries to find the one responsible for killing his brethren bursts into the room and chases after you.
You run down the streets of London screaming for help. Sadly, nobody dares to help a monster's prey.
You run all the way to Big Ben and reach the top of the bell tower and begin to fight the monster. The fight circumvents from the bell tower to all across London in a bloody battle for survival.
You end up dodging the alien's attacks for the rest of the night until you lure him into an abandoned factory.

> You wait until the monster is tired then you throw sand in his eyes.
You lure Stonthrax into the abandoned factory and then pour sand into his eyes. He roars in pain and starts to flail around while you quietly sneak away.
You realize you are in an abandoned hour glass factory. You can finally make the ultimate weapon to defeat this time monster once and for all: sand!
You remember reading in an old newspaper that a sandman was arrested for robbing that very factory.

> You drown the monster in a mountain of sand then say "Stop wasting my TIME" and laugh.
You grab a pickaxe and chop down the wall of sand next to you and manage to drown the monster in sand. He is unable to move under the heavy weight crushing him. You grin from ear to ear and then pull out a dictionary and look up the word irony.
You look up to the sky and realize that you forgot all about the alien invasion. The alien ship lands and hot alien babes walk out to great you. You look at them and smile as they take you away to their planet.
The hot alien babes take you to their planet an constantly milk you for your genetic material until you die of old age.
The moral of the story: Be careful when memorizing words because you never know when they might come in handy.