Frankie, a cocky fireman and hamster fan

Posted under Episode 257, Story On By Chief

You are Frankie, a cocky fireman. One day, you are standing in front of your firetruck, while smoking a cigar and winking at pretty women. One of the women winks back, so you set your cigar aside and go flirt with the woman. The cigar falls on your truck and sets the truck on fire. You escape with only minor burns, but the incident is still used against you by your boss who fires you from his company.
now unemployed, you go on a date the woman. She says your burns are sexy. You say yes, because she's hot. She says you're not as good looking as her boyfriend and that he would be better for you.
You tell the woman you are not interested, but you wonder if you could move in as you no longer have a source of income.
You go to a pet store and buy a hamster. You bring it home and place it on your windowsill. Your girlfriend comes over and sees the hamster.

> You say"It's my new money making idea! we're gonna milk hamsters."
You explain how you a re going to milk hamsters and sell their sperm for profit. She seems on board with the idea, so you begin searching for a hamster.

> You milk the hamster you bought from the pet store. You taste the sperm and determine it's value.
The hamster tastes like smoked ham, and you decide it's a good hamster. You sell it for $20 which is more than your ticket price. You decide to set up a shop selling hamsters.
You purchase a Reindrob Industries Hamster-O-Giant, a device that transform hamsters into giant creatures that are sentient and can talk. You also get a subscription to Imported foreign hamster porn.
You place your hamster in the device, and wake up the next morning to find a giant hamster next to you. The giant hamster is sentient and can talk. You decide to call him Manny.
Manny requests to be milked, and you explain that he can't talk or breathe while being milked.
The next night you wake up to find your girlfriend has been replaced by a giant sentient talking hamster.
You go to an old amusement park auction and buy giant wheels for your new giants hamster friends to use for exercise. You also buy a bunch of old rides and attractions. To fill the rides you go on a rampage, destroying buildings until military arrives to stop you.
You defend your position for a while with your hamster buds, until the military brings in the snakes.
A giant mechanical snake arrives, and the hamsters panic. You look around and find a tank.
You get inside the tank and use it to fend off the military.
The mechanical snake wraps around the tank and you are trapped. You turn to Manny and look worried.
"Relax", says your giant sentient hamster to you.
Blam! You are eaten by the snake, while your friends look on.
Manny rips open the snake with his teeth and you escape. You make your way to the front of the tank and hijack a helicopter.
You land the helicopter at your apartment building.
You exit the helicopter and walk into the building.
You go to your apartment and see a package has arrived, it is your crate of hamster laser-goggles.
You strap them to your head and prepare to laze around all day.
You take off the goggles and look at the side and see you have accidentally purchased Reindrob brand Lazy Goggles. These goggles make you feel so lazy you don't even want to leave the bed.
A hamster crawls into bed and begins to milk you. You become pregnant.
You give birth to hundreds of babies and over-power all humans in the world. They become your slaves.
The moral of the story: If a giant sentient hamster enters your tank, don't try to escape the military by stealing a helicopter, or you will not like the consequences.