AIPD, an elite police department tasked with combating artificial intelligence in Detroit

Posted under Episode 256, Story On By Chief

You are AIPD, an elite police department tasked with combating artificial intelligence in the Detroit area. One day, you get a letter from the government stating that your building and everything inside is about to be seized by the IRS! It seems you can't have shit in Detroit! According to the letter, the raid is scheduled to commence at noon. That's in one hour! You muster your courage and prepare to fight city hall!

The raid never comes, but the next time you get a letter like this, it says something very different: "We're sorry about that. We'll try to make sure they don't happen again."
You get this call after the demolition team has already destroyed half of your headquarters. The voice on the other end sounds very much like the one who originally sent you this letter. He asks if he can come over for coffee sometime.

"Of course,"

> You go to the Starbucks on the corner. You head inside and look for the man who resembles the voice in the letter.
You see him in line and he sees you. He waves and says he'll be with you in a moment. You go grab a table and wait.
As you sit down, Cory, a rival police officer who is recovering from being attacked by a 26 year-old grandma yesterday, tells you that you shouldn't trust anyone from the IRS and hands you a note that reads:
"While you're at it, don't trust anyone ever."
He then sits down with his Capricorn badge shining and leaves you feeling very anxious.

> You sit down with the man from the IRS. He introduces himself and say "Hi. I'm Jim. I'm from the IRS."
You're pretty sure that this is the guy, but you're still a little worried about what the note meant.
Jim tells you about a secret mission that he wants you to go on: infiltrate a heavily armed militia group led by a shadowy figure only known as "L33t." They're suspected of money laundering and tax fraud, but nothing has been confirmed yet.
You decide to do the opposite and team up with the leader of the militia group whose name is Tony. Tony convinces you that you need to destroy the IRS with him and you agree. He says that the best way to get back at the government is to not pay taxes and then use the weapons to kill the government officials.
"The best way to attack the United States' government is through their economy,"
You get a cell phone call from Jim at the IRS and he asks you "How's the mission going?"

"It's going well," you say.
"Great! Just checking in!"
"Are you sure everything is on the level?
Tony snatches the phone away and screams, "Us leet hackers are never going to pay taxes ever again! You slimily lizard person piece shit asshole!" then hangs up.
You still aren't sure of what to make of all this.
You tell Jim about the phone call when you meet with him in a parking garage.
Jim hands you a file on Tony, it lists Tony's top 10 best crimes:
1. Vandalizing a McDonald's
2. Vandalizing another McDonald's
3. Vandalizing a KFC
4. Vandalizing a Subway
5. Vandalizing a Bank of America
6. Vandalizing another Bank of America
7. Arson of a Public School
8. Arson of another Public School
9. Arson of a City Hall
10. Grand Theft Auto
While you were reading the file, Jim was on his phone. He then says "Well, thanks for your help,"
Jim hands you a gun and says "Now you must assassinate Tony. Your police department's debt will be cleared and your building restored."
You shoot Jim in the head and take his car and license plates. You dump the body and gun in a lake and drive back to your headquarters.
You drive to meet Tony and he is not there, but you see him spray painting in a Bank of America parking and run over. You point your gun at Tony and tell him to make you an offer to not kill him.
He looks around and says "Do you see a Bank of America around here? Do you see any police officers or agents? No. This is leet hackers territory."
"I'm with you!
You drop your gun and lean in for a kiss with Tony. He grabs your gun and beats you to death with it. After he has killed you, he drops the gun on your lifeless body and says "Now they will fear us."
Tony puts on the badge and looks up to say, "Now I am the leader of the AIPD" and laughs maniacally into the night. THE END
You reached the "Steal a cop car, plant a bomb, assassinate an asshole" ending.
The moral of the story: Don't steal from the government.