You are Soma Dewitt, the owner of an experimental time machine. You lock yourself in your underground bunker and test your machine but unfortunately it doesn't say when you've been sent to. You leave your bunker to realise you've been sent to the future where a group of people have destroyed civilization. The world is now ruled by corporations who use their power to enforce conformity on all citizens. You must find out why they did this before you can stop them from doing it again. You look around and see everyone around you is wearing a dormity belt. They're all chained up and they don't seem to be moving. You also notice that there's no food or water anywhere near them. This isn't how things should be! There has to be another way... > You remove everyone's dormity belts and they hand you a box of mystery juice. It's vaguely grey and you have no idea what it is. You pour the mystery juice all over everyone and desperately try to wash it off. Nothing works! You've doomed humanity to an eternity of being grey and shapeless. You yell at the man who gave this to you and ask, "What is this mystery juice!?" "Why that's souljuice of course! It destroys an individual's sense of self and transfers it to another." The man looks at you disapprovingly,"You need to learn to think outside the box." > You poor souljuice all over your broken time machine and suddenly. You're home. You go back in time to when you were first building your machine and add a few extra security measures that you will make sure to remember this time. You forgot to enable the security measures you just added and travel to a random point in time. You step outside the time machine, and see that you are in the age of the dinosaurs. You try to think of a way to survive this new predicament. -Predictably, a T-rex eats you. > You splash some souljuice on the T-rex and you become the T-rex. The T-rex becomes an agent of the souljuice. It rampages across the globe, destroying all of civilization and bringing humanity to the brink of extinction. You take the time machine back to the present, but everything is different. There are dinosaurs in suits walking all around the city! You suddenly realize that the whole world is under new and greater control, by a tyrannical dinosaur regime. You try to leave the city, but they're patrolling the borders by dino-soldiers. You meet Novis Tount, a time patroller who's here to tell you you've scrungled everything. You try to impress him by doing a little backflip. "Ouch! My back!" you say. "That's nothing compared to what will happen to you if you don't listen to me. We need to get you out of here." says Novis. > You say "How do we get out of here?" "You need to go back in time to before you destroyed the world. I'll give you a box of souljuice that will prevent that from happening." "What if I don't want to go back?" Novis realizes that you might be putting the universe at risk for your own personal gain. Novis pulls out a vial of red souljuice and throws it at you and says, "I'm sorry, I can't let you run amuck anymore!" You drink it, and find yourself in a whole new world... literally. Your head pops off your body and your body falls to the floor. You hover there, watching in a state of shock. You see a bunch of little red people run around frantically. > You say "You yell at Novis and demand an explanation!" "Alright, alright, just calm down. This is the land of Yawnce, and we are small people. The large people you see over there are called humans. And some of them can magically jump through hoops." You look over and see a giant man jumping through hoops. Wow! You stand up, but you fall right back down. It turns out that humans can't fly or hover. "Hey! Watch it! You're a visitor here," yells the Yawntins. > You say "You watch it! I'm THE visitor here!" You yell at the Yawns until they give you a bowl of milk and bread. Your stomach rumbles. You eat it all up, but feel like you might throw it all up. You realize that since you are just a floating head, that all that milk and bread is already all over the floor. The Yawntins laugh and you become part of the Yawntin Travelling Circus. You spend the rest of your days there. > You perfect your magnum opus trick, its called:. The Head on a Stick! You know that you need to be remembered when you inevitably pass. You decide to perform a tricky feat that will astound all who witness it. You put your head on a stick and do a little back flip to a sold out crowd of Yawntins. The applause is deafening. You spend the rest of your days not being forgotten and being revered as a God by the public. The moral of the story: Hold your head up high and own who you are, even if you have been misjudged based on your looks.
Soma Dewitt, the owner of an experimental time machine
Posted under Episode 255, Story On By Chief