You are Sir Dankus, a vassal of the great Halfling weedomancer, Lord Bubo. You live to protect your master and will do anything in your power to do so. As the sun rises this morning you look outside your window and see that it is indeed day again. It's been awhile since you've seen daylight for quite some time now. You go to Lord Bubo's room to bring him his Excalibong and do a fat morning rip. You don't find him there though. He should be up by now. The door opens and he walks out with a big grin on his face like he just won the lottery or something. Lord Bubo tells you that you and him have just been knighted to the brotherhood of the Negabong. A great honor for you both. The king himself was there to make the ceremony. He tells you he's got a mission for the both of you. > You say "What's the mission?" You and Lord Bubo are going to be sent to the small town of WoodLow to wipe out the thieves' den that has been giving the kingdom grief. > You ready your steeds and head to the of WoodLow. You mount up your steed and ride to the village of WoodLow. As you ride through the countryside you think about how much better it is than constantly being in a dungeon. You light a spliff, then a crow on a tree branch warns you of the danger ahead. A group of assassins with their arrows notched and ready to fire. You and Lord Bubo are in deep shit now. > You cast Sphere of Dank Smoke to cloud your movements. You draw Excalibong and prepare to fight. You ride out of the crow's line of sight as it flies away. You and Lord Bubo take cover in a nearby forest, where you cast your spell to cloud the movements of you, and him. You get higher than you ever have in your life as Lord Bubo goes to town and searches for mercenaries to help you take on the assassins. The assassins split up to find you and Lord Bubo soon finds himself surrounded. "They found meeeee." he yells out frightened and starts running from the assassins. You realize that a simple smokescreen is not working, so you pull out your most powerful weedomancer spell: Fart Jugglers. The assassins all fall to the ground clutching their faces as if you had just punched them in the nose. You and Bubo ride your horses and escape the forest. You cast a weedomancer vision spell to discover who sent the assassins. You see a man in red and black robes with a wild grin and shining eyes. You know who this is. It's Merk, the evil wizard. > You perform a divination ritual with Bubo in the inns basement to find Merks location. The ritual involves hours of intense meditation smoking the stickiest of the icky. With the help of Lord Bubo, you find out Merk's location immediately. It's an old abandoned tower in the middle of a forest. You and Lord Bubo prepare for your journey to kill Merk. > You arrive at Merks tower to see him outside waiting for you. "we shall see who can take the fattest rip!" he yells to you. You and Lord Bubo walk up to Merk. You are scared shitless as the three of you sit down for a talk. Merk tells you he's a powerful wizard, and knows that the two of you are going to try to kill him. > You say "Why did you send the assassins, Merk??" Merk tells you that he sent the assassins to kill Lord Bubo because he was a snitch. He says he didn't want the police to intervene so he sent assassins. You're confused. > You look at Lord Bubo and ask "Is that true? Are you a snitch?" Lord Bubo trembles and slowly nods, "Yes." You feel betrayed. You draw your sword and with tears streaming down your face you swing for Lord Bubo's neck. Merk casts a lightning bolt and fries you. You summon 1000 fart jugglars to take on Lord Bubo and Merk. They give you enough time to escape. You turn around, light a match, and throw it at the towers to see it explode. Then you ride back to the inn. The moral of the story: NEVER TRUST A FUCKING WIZARD.
Sir Dankus, a vassal of the great Halfling weedomancer, Lord Bubo
Posted under Episode 254, Story On By Chief