Rudolph Rednose, a human furry wearing a Rangifer Tarandus onesie

Posted under Episode 254, Story On By Chief

You are Rudolph Rednose, a human furry wearing a Rangifer Tarandus onesie. You work for Gumdrob Incorporated. Your frenemy corporation and your company's biggest competitor, Reindrob Industries, has been contesting their superiority at a biennial period. The Proto-pioneers of the candy industry, Gumrise, Gumdrob's parent company have finally filed a lawsuit against your boss for falsely stating Redundancy potential of over 200 of your company's employees. Your boss must now either attend an Arbitration meeting or pay a settlement fund of 20 million dollars. There is, however a third option, because on your bed in front of you, there rests a single silver pistol with a silencer attached to the muzzle. Under your bed, a stash of 4,000 bullets patiently awaits you. Gumdrob's total employee count: 6,000. You may have to eliminate 2,000 workers with your bare hands, some brute force, and an intensely serene sense of ingenuity, improvisation and sheer might of willpower. Will you accept the risk of jail-time and possible execution if you are caught? Or will you free your employer from the disparaging depths of automatic labor, whilst simultaneously being tied to your own harsh manual labor duties? The choice is yours.

The game begins...
You choose to find another way, you put the pistol away and attend a city hall meeting that is packed to the brim with angry employees. You explain that you need to negotiate a settlement with Reindrob Industries, but they won't listen. They claim that the gun is illegal, and as such should be confiscated by the police.

> You give a heartfelt speech to the city hall council. You begin the speech by saying.
"When I look at the crowd of eager smiling faces, it reminds me that the future is in skilled hands. It's no wonder why Gumrise Corp. has been so successful."
The angry faces of Gumrise Corp get up and start cheering your name. They stage a coup and you are now the new mayor. The people of your city become the most skilled candy makers of the world. What happens next is history.
You successfully became the mayor of your city and have lived happily ever after.
You find out that the city's police chief has an evil plan to frame you and that he's working with Willy Wonka, chocolate factory owner.  It's up to you to use your wits to escape the factory before it explodes. Good luck!

> You search the factory and find a door that reads "Secret Underground Bunker". You enter the door and find.
A room with a tome called "To Kill a Mockingjay" written by someone named Gregor Collinsworth.
A table with 2 decks of playing cards: one black and one red.
You approach the cards, but hear something under the table catches your attention. You see  a beige box with a red button, and a tape recorder.
A tape is in the player, and you hit the play button.
"Hello, Katniss," the voice commands, "push the red button to prove your courage. Push the blue one to prove your loyalty to your friends."

> You press both buttons at the same time.
You hear a rising hum that suppresses all other sound. You think it's some kind of supercharged super-sonic noise. It's too extreme for any man to take, you think.

> You get angry and start smashing everything you see in the bunker. Then you hear Willy Wonka over the speaker system.
"I have an army of guards waiting for you outside. If you break that glass, they'll tear your head off and play soccer with it! Ha ha ha!"
You hear a maniacal laugh over the speaker.
You break the glass and see the army of Oompa Loompas poised and ready to attack you. You throw candy shurikens and kill enough to make your way to Wonka's office.
You slowly approach the office door. Suddenly, you hear "I wouldn't do that if I were you..."
You turn around and see a man in a Joffrey Ballet t-shirt and cargo pants, holding a crossbow. He has a mop of curly brown hair and blue eyes.
You recognize the man is Charlie Bucket and you give him a golden ticket of pain by stabbing him in the gut with a candy cane blade.
You look over your shoulder and see the Oompa-Loompas closing in to attack.
"It's gonna be OK," you whisper to Charlie.
Charlie bleeds out on the floor, then you turn to the oompa loomps and give a heartfelt speech. You begin the speech by saying...
"You'll never get away with this, Willy Wonka. You're gonna' get yours, and I'm the one who's gonna' do it. Just you wait."
You see Wonka fly out of the factory in the Wonkavator and he laughs as he escapes to who know where.
Now that Wonka's gone, it's time for you to go. You call the police and explain your situation. They arrive and arrest you for murdering Charlie, as they assumed you were the one who did it.
The moral of the story: sometimes life is unfair.
You have been executed for the murder of Charlie.