You are the Turkinator, a cyborg avian programmed to exact revenge on the human race. Your first target is the leading manufacturer of turkey's Tom Tuckers. This is a mission with every Turkey's life on the line. "Tom Tuckers? That guy who was trying to get me to join his company?" you say. "I don't think so." "Yeah, I know he's not interested," You pull out your secret superbomb launcher and point it directly at Tom Tucker. The missile flies straight towards him. You then fire a second one, which hits Tom Tucker square in the back. He falls backwards off his chair and onto the floor. "What did you do that for?" > You say "this is for all Turkeys everywhere" and you continue to scratch him to death" You rush towards the body and start to attack it. As the blood oozes out, you feel a rush of adrenaline course through your veins. You pull out your dagger and stab him repeatedly in the chest. You look up and see that there was a camera. You just murdered Tom Tucker in front of 10 million American viewers. "I've gone too far!" You think. Suddenly the door is smashed off it's hinges. Two men enter the room carrying rifles and wearing bullet proof vests. You quickly gobble a necromantic spell into the camera and suddenly everyone in America has to fight their zombie Turkey dinners. You throw a can of wasp spray into the faces of the two men and make a run for the window. You fly off into the sky just as you see the police surrounding the building. You are TurkeyMan. The world is thrown into chaos and the zombie turkey's are roaming the streets. You give birth to a turkey son and name him Gobbles, he will lead the new generation of Turkeys after the war. After 5 years of constant battle and eating flesh, you die from a combination of gunshot wounds and food poisoning from a bad burger. Your consciousness is transplanted into your son Gobbles and you continue to fight the good fight for Turkey kind. The Zombie Turkeys win the war against the human race several years later. World peace is established and you enjoy several uneventful decades before dying as a happy old bird. You return 20 years later as a ghost to check on Gobbles and ask him how the war is going. "Pretty good for us, Pretty bad for the humans," Gobbles tells you. "They're almost extinct now." Gobbles tells you of the mighty human warrior named Bertha, a big fat slob with a hot gravy launcher that has single handedly eaten 10,000 turkeys. Gobbles asks you for your help to defeat her. "I'm not so sure I want to help," You say. "I'm enjoying being a ghost." "C'mon Dad, we really need you!" Gobbles pleads. > You leave the body of Gobbles and inhabit the mass of zombie turkey parts inside of Bertha. You are born again as a hideous amalgamation of giblets and gravy. "I will destroy your enemies!" You roar, waking up in the night of the bed of sweet potatoes. You leap from the Sweet Potato Room and make your way toward the house of Bertha. > You make your way up her colon and burst free from her anus. You engage her in one on one, wing to hand combat. You squak as she breaths heavily! It is your final battle. After a fearsome battle you leap upon her shoulders and tear out her wind pipe. Blood spurts from her neck as she tries to scream, but can't. She falls and dies. You have won the day! You gobble in war cry, but then Bertha's enormous fat body kills you. You have lost the day. In the end, it turns out you were actually a turkey the whole time and you become part of her. The wholesome moral of the fucking story: NEVER eat turkey on Thanksgivings. You gain following 10 Bertha related traumas: 1. Attempted cannibalism 2. Attempted incest (with a fat girl) 3. Attempted involuntary celibacy 4. Attempted necrophilia 5. Attempted regicide 6. Attempted suicide 7. Vomited on by an obese woman 8. Shot at by the police 9. Losing a friend in arms 10. Heart broken Please tell me which one you want.