Nothing, you have no physical form and neither does the world around you

Posted under Episode 252, Story On By Chief

You are nothing, you have no physical form and neither does the world around you. No up, no down, no time, and no space, just an empty void of pure white. Its up to you to create the universe and the creatures who will inhabit it.

The only thing that can stop you is death itself. You have survived for so long by playing God, but now your reign has come to an end.

> You sneeze and a galaxy is born.
You look at the stars in the sky and feel a deep sense of sadness. The universe was created with such love and care, yet you have destroyed it all.

> You fart and another galaxy is born.
You look at the planets and see one that looks suitable to sustain life. You think of the shape, size and colour of the humans that will inhabit it then...
"Hey! Who are you?" A voice shouts.
"Huh?" You say.
You look around and a man has somehow appeared in the middle of the universe. You shrug and think of something to say.
"I'm the guy who created the universe."
The man tells you that he is Mr. Hankey and he appears whenever he is needed to spread Christmas cheer.
"What?" You ask.
"It's Christmas time and I'm here to spread... Oh fuck!" Mr. Hankey says when he sees the Earth.

> You turn to look at Earth and see.
You turn to see what has disturbed Mr. Hankey so much and gasp in horror. The Earth is gone and in its place there is a giant hole.

> You decide to step the hole and are in a classroom with Mr Tony Zone,former AIPD co-host,who now teaches sex ed at a high school.
"Are you listening?" Mr. Zone shouts.
"NO!" You shout back.
"I'll send you up to the headmasters office if you don't start paying attention." Mr.Zone threatens.

> You attempt to distract Mr Tony Zone and ask him where babies come from.
"Jesus Christ, speak of the devil and he shall appear." Mr.Zone says when you ask him where babies come from.
"You give mommy Vodka and daddy acid and they make a baby.

> You ask Mr Zone if you can score some acid.
"I think you've had enough acid, son." Mr.Zone says.
Whatever you do, don't mention the AIPD.
You and Mr Hankey are sent to the Principal's office where you see a familiar face.
"Oh, hey Zolar." You say.
Zolar is the former leader of the AIPD and has been demoted to working as a high school principal.
You ask Zolar about the AIPD and his demotion. He smiles and simply puts his finger to his lips.
"It's our little secret".
Mr.Hankey is also seen talking to Zolar about the missing Earth.
You eavesdrop and hear the startling reason behind why the Earth is missing.
"That's right, but that's why we need you..." Zolar says.
"Wait a minute. You and Mr. Hankey are from the future?" You shout.

> You say "I am everything and nothing."
"I thought you were from the future." Mr. Hankey says.
"No, I AM everything and nothing." You reply.

> You say "I have no time or place"
"Jesus Christ," Mr. Hankey says. "This guy's from fucking outer space."
"I have no time or place," You yell out.
"Can someone please turn this asshole's TV off,"
The principal knocks you out. You wake up and see yourself in front of the school with Mr. Hankey and the principal.
"You're not very popular," Mr. Hankey says to you.
You feel a rip in the space time continuum and feel something wrong in the universe.
"Fuck, I gotta take a shit," You say and hover away.
You arrive in the bathroom and hover over the toilet. You turn on the news and hover above the toilet while you take a shit.

> You shit out a new Earth, you decide to name it
The newsman announces the disappearance of the Earth. You shit out a new planet and call it Mongo.
"Good, now I can take a shit," you say.
You have died!!!
Your soul lives on in Mongo, forever.
You decide to do something positive for once in your life, you give the people of Mongo the following miracles:
1. Free Energy
2. Cure for Cancer
3. Eternaly Young Capsule
4. Flying cars for everyone!
5. AI Housewives and Robot Workers
6. Clean, free energy for all clean energy projects
7. Create a small sun in the solar system for 50% of the year.
You have saved humanity and given them a glorious future.
The moral of the story: Never do any drugs.