You are Nevin Willis, a rogue working as an adventurer in the port town of Garnier. One day while looking around for new work, you run into a frantic wizard. After bit of consoling, you get the wizard to calm down and she tells you that she has learned of an evil syndicate of granny fuckers, who are conspiring to create a spell that turns people into grannies. After hearing the wizard's story you decide to help her. You must find the secret lair of the granny f*ckers! > You go to the local bingo hall and ask if anyone has seen any granny fuckers. Upon arriving at the bingo hall, you ask one of the more senior members if they have seen any granny f*ckers around. "Granny f*ckers? I'll give you a granny f*cker!" A wrinkly old lady says as she gets out of her chair to slap you. > You say "dont threaten me with a good time" and ask if she wants to play BINGO. "Please, I just want to play BINGO," you say. "Alright, the first game is free. I'm not paying to play hangman with you." You enter the bingo hall. > You notice that some of the older men have been staring at you, you pickup your +5 knitting needles of penetration and say, "Bruh." Suddenly the old men love you and give you a high five. You are now part of the group. People start to surround you for your own safety. > You say "The bingo hall doors fly open and the cult of the granny fuckers storm through the door armed with weapons. You confront the leader and say" "Granny f*cking is wrong" You confront the leader and he looks surprised to see you. Then he says "looks like you found us, but it wont help you." > You walk up to the leader and lean in to give him the kiss of death. The leader falls into a deep sleep and the other granny f*ckers are so shocked by your magical prowess that they all lay down their weapons. The town is saved! > You grab the old woman for a kiss and level up the following skills:. Seduction, 90 Intimidation, 40 Narcolepsy, 100 Black magic, 10 > You see The Crypt Keeper, the new head of the granny fuckers, walk in and demand to know who put the previous leader to sleep. You quickly put the leader to sleep again and the rest of the granny f*ckers flee! You have one on one defeated the entire cult of granny fuckers! Your heroes! You go home feeling like you've done something wonderful. The next day you go to the bingo hall and learn that it has been bought by King Alfred, the king who secretly funds the granny fuckers, and he has turned the bingo hall into a strip club. It's the last straw. You decide to leave the town of Garnier for the big city of Ashton, to pursue a music career. > You sing folk songs in a coffee shop in Ashton for tips. You sing a song about saving grannys from being fucked. You sing:. This is a song about my deeds, About saving grannies from being fucked, About saving grannies from being fucked, And when I'm done, I shall be fucked. You see the granny that helped you at the bingo hall, she walks up to you after the show to tell you she is pregnant and it is yours. You are surprised but you accept her. You get married and live happily ever after until your death. The end. > You write a song about your happy life. You walk over to your guitar and start strumming a song about your happy life. You play the song for her until she falls asleep. You continue playing until you fall asleep. > You name your hit song:. The next morning the Sheriff comes knocking at your door with a group of men and says, "It's time to go." You sing the song for the Sheriff: This is a song about my deeds, About saving grannies from being fucked, And when I'm done, I shall be fucked. He laughs and lets you go. The moral of the story: Crime doesn't pay, unless the Sheriff is into it.
Nevin Willis, a rogue working as an adventurer in the port town of Garnier
Posted under Episode 251, Story On By Chief