You are Proffessor Cavis, a physicist and weapons developer who was heavily influenced by Reindrob Industries. You're working on your newest project, the quantum knife thrower, when all of the sudden, a letter appears in front of you. You look at the letter and find that it was sent by Reindrob Industries. Upon reading it you find that it says, bering with your latest weapon, we've decided to part ways with you as our new Director. We wish you luck in whatever path you choose for yourself. > You found out the company was bought out by Reindrob Industries. You are furious. You angrily write back to them saying how you don't care about their money, because they were just using you for your knowledge and experience. They reply back saying that they will be hiring you again soon. Suddenly a portal open in front of and Future you, a man made entirely of Reindrob Gadgets, walks out and tells you to follow him. You are angry with him for firing you and not paying you all of your money. After arguing with him for a bit, you are taken to the future. You are in a large room with several other humans. > You look down and notice you are naked due to a portal malfunction. You are suddenly given underwear and a lab coat. You are given 3 options by the man known as Future You. Option 1: Hunt Down the terrorists and prevent the death of billions of humans. Option 2: Hunt Down the terrorists but allow several countries to fall under their control. Option 3: Refuse to hunt down the terrorists. You are then forced into a portal by the man made of gadgets and sent back in time. You have no idea where you'll end up, or when. Good luck. You are spit out of the portal and wind up in the Dark Ages. You are approached by two peasants covered in mud. "Hey! Youz aren't from 'round here, ar ye?" "N-no," you stutter in the middle of a cough. > You explain you are from the future, but emphasize that you are not a witch. You explain that you are from the future and the two peasants demand you prove it. "Erm... I mean you no harm, though I can provide no proof. I just wish to go on my way..." You ask them where to buy a spag bol and they kneel before you. You ask them why and the tell you that Spag Bols are the meal of the chosen one. You become increasingly worried that you have somehow become Jesus. 1) Tell Them the truth and hope they believe you. 2) Lie and Say you have a car waiting for you outside the city. > You try to walk on water to impress the peasants. You start to walk on water and do a bit of preaching. The peasants make you their new king and you live a long and prosperous life. You are greeted by your newest advisor, Dony, Tony's ancestor who is dating two sisters who perform acts in their natural habitat. You are asked to play monopoly but you decide to go hunting instead. You shoot two deer, a moose and an Alaskan grizzly bear. You go back to your castle for dinner and take the meat. You notice you still have a laser fork in your breast pocket that is from the future. You use the laser fork to eat your pile of meat. You don't think you have stomach problems... well at least not yet. You meet with your Council. While you meet with the Council, you feel your stomach become upset. You have serious digestive problems. You stand up to address the Council but you feel your stomach churn. You release a fountain of liquid shit and blood that covers the entire council. You are rushed to the hospital where you pass away. Nerlin the wizard brings you back to life. He throws you into Reindrob's TARDIZ®, a time travel machine. You are sent back in time to fix your mistakes. Good luck. > You try to move the lever from "back" to "forward" but the lever snaps and you careen faster backwards in time. You check your surroundings and notice you are in the future. You have a bad feeling about this. "Oh, this isn't good," you think. You are in the year 10,120. > You look down and notice you are naked once again. The future people stare at you. You refuse to give into the horribleness of this situation. You get in the middle of a crowd and yell at them to stop staring. They comply. You think about your next move. > You realize you ARE Jesus. You decide to start a cult around yourself. You tell your cultists to go out and spread the word. Some of them are lynched and killed, but some begin to worship you as a god-like figure. The moral of the story: be nice to your cultists, or they may kill you. You decide to release a diss track towards the Catholic Church. It's a hit! The Catholic Church burns at the hands of the public.
Proffessor Cavis, a physicist and weapons developer who was heavily influenced by Reindrob Industries
Posted under Episode 250, Story On By Chief