Giovane Bastos, traveled back in time to the stone age to start a zombie outbreak

Posted under Episode 249, Story On By Chief

You are Giovane Bastos and you have just travelled back in time to the stone age to start a zombie outbreak.

Your mission? To find out what happened to your family, who were killed by an unknown assailant.
You see a caveman who tells you his name is Ook Ook and you show him a picture of the assailant. He says he knows it's you because you look like you do in that photo. You tell him that if he wants to know more about the incident then he should come with you.

> You ook Ook introduces you to his beautiful hairy daughter.
You go into the cave with Ook Ook and his daughter, Oola. They lay down some furs for you to sleep on.
You are startled awake by Cory, the assailant who murdered your family and framed you. He disguises his identity by wearing a bucket on his head. You lean in for a kiss.
"How can I trust you?" you ask.
"Fine, I'll take this bucket off."
You lean in for a kiss.
While Cory's guard is down, you inject him with the T-Virus, which instantly transforms him into a zombie. As his flesh begins to necrose and decay, you lean in for a kiss.

> You grab Ook Ook and Oola and run out of the cave.
You grab Ook Ook and Oola and run out of the cave. Unfortunately, you run straight into a tribe of hostile Neanderthals.
the Neanderthals knock you out and drag you and Ook Ook and Oola to their camp. Meanwhile Cory infects every Neanderthal he finds.
Oola and Ook Ook are thrown to the female Neanderthals, while you are thrown to the males.

> You wrestle with the male Neanderthals.
You are thrown into a pit with a bunch of other Neanderthals. They all immediately pin you down, and give you a French Kiss, before giving you to the women of the tribe.
the next time you see Ook Ook and Oola they are dressed like the female Neanderthals. The females make you drink an iridescent potion and you feel Your latent stand Ooga Booga awaken. It allows you to hurl up to three rocks 60ft away. It's like having three arms. You take solace in the fact that your new powers make up for your lack of genitals.
You challenge the now zombified Neanderthal king to a rock throwing contest, which you win when his rock hits you in the eye and gets lodged into your frontal lobe. You are declared king, and you celebrate by having wild intercourse with all of the female Neanderthals.
You reveal your troubled past to the Neanderthals and warn them about the zombie outbreak that is about to ruin the land. Most of them don't believe you, so you call in Ook Ook and Oola who tell them a moving tale about how you were framed for the murder of your family.
The story is interrupted by the screams on the undead army outside the village slowly meandering towards and led by Cory.
The king and all his elite throw rocks at the army, which does nothing. Then, the king is bitten and killed by one of his former best friends, which means you are now king.

> You command your Neanderthal servants to build you a time machine to return to the future. You kiss every one of the female Neanderthals goodbye.
You order your servants to build you a time machine. You realize that the machine is powered by electricity, which won't be invented for over 50,000,000 years.
You can't escape, you have to fight. You unleash your Rock Throwing stand to single handedly take on the zombie army starting with Cory. You have a lot of fun throwing rocks at the army for the next couple months.
you finally triumph after burying all of the zombies in a mountain of rocks. Unfortunately, you run out of prosite and your stand fades. You are then bitten by a zombie and you die.
The moral of the story: Prosite, is not as durable as it claims.