Ramses VII, a pharaoh of ancient Egypt

Posted under Episode 248, Story On By Chief

You are Ramses VII, a pharaoh of ancient Egypt. You have ordered a pyramid to be built in your honor but the slaves have armed themselves and begun to revolt. There are rumors that your soldiers are also thinking of doing the same. In order to combat this problem, your advisors give you 10 possible solutions. They are: 1) Build more pyramids. 2) Kill all the slaves and let them fight amongst each other. 3) Have the slaves build a new city for you on another continent. 4) Have the slaves build a new city for you on another planet. 5) Have the slaves create a virus that will wipe out humanity. 6) Have the slaves become super-soldiers. 7) Have the slaves become cyborgs. 8) Have the slaves become time travelers. 9) Have the slaves eradicate all other forms of life. 10) Allow them to create a new form of government.
You must select which option you choose and give your reasons why.

> You summon your brother Moses. You ask him to convert the slaves to cyborgs.
SERFdom No. 3
Year 20 of the SERFari Empire
You've been pharaoh for a very long time, you assume it's been 20 years, but time has become relative.

> You hold council with the leader of the cyborg slave union.
The leader of the slave rebellion is your brother, a man you haven't seen in many years. You wonder if he still has the scar you gave him on his face.

> You see your brother is Professor McElroy, a teacher at Yale who claims to be King Tut because he has split-personality problems. You look for the scar on his face.
You see your brother walking towards you. Looking at his face, you notice a scar on his cheek. You were the one who gave that to him.
You flashback to the day you gave your brother the scar across his face:
You were nine and your older brother was eleven. You were sitting in a small sand pit while your brother was playing with a few plastic action figures.
"Come on! I need someone to play with!" he says.
"I can't, I have to go water the plants," you say.
He sighed and then said, "How come you always get to stay inside?

> You cut that bitch.
You stabbed your brother in the face with a pocket knife.
"Ow! Why'd you do that for?" he says, tears forming in the corner of his eyes.
"Because I hate you," you say matter-of-factly.
"Why do you hate me?" he says.
"Because Mommy and Daddy like you more."
You flash back to the present and give your brother a stare down.
"Is this about the scar?" he says.
"What? No, of course not," you say.
You see your brother start to get angry.
"No, it isn't."

> You say "yes it is"
"Yes it is," you say.
You see an anger boil inside of him and he starts to yell and scream at you. It becomes so loud that guards come in to subdue him.

> You cut that bitch.
You get out your knife and start slashing the guards as they come in. They fall to the ground.
By the time you're finished, it's just you and your brother, surrounded by corpses.

> You cut your brother softly.
You slash your brother's face softly in order to make him look better in the eyes of the other slaves.
He smiles and hugs you.
"We're gonna be a family again," he says.
You join forces with your brother and the cyborg slaves to start a new empire on a new planet. You're attacked by space pirates, cyborgs, and your brother's mental illness. Will you be able to keep your newfound family together? Or will all fall apart? Find out next time, on Empire!
The moral of the story: If your big brother beats you, he's a bully. If you beat your younger brother, you're a king.