You are Doctor Bigsy, a renowned neurologist. One day after work, you are contacted by a company claiming to be a pharmaceutical company trying to cure the outbreak of rock cancer, a disease that slowly turns people into rocks. You head to meet with the company when suddenly they start shooting at you from their helicopter. They manage to shoot one of your men in the leg, but he manages to kill the pilot before jumping out of the chopper and running away. You are saved by a mysterious man in a suit, the helicopter flies away. The man in suit reveals he is a government agent who wants you to help him track down the pilot. He explains that this was not an accident, but rather a deliberate attempt on his life. > You and the agent try to track down the pilot. The agent takes you to a diner where you find the pilot. The agent and you force the pilot back to his house, tying him up in the garage. > You softly slap the pilot on the face until he gives you the information you are looking for. You slap the pilot several times, causing him to start crying. He reveals that he used to be a military chopper pilot during the outbreak. You demand that hell tell you the source of the outbreak. He explains that it came from a government lab and that the military was trying to use it as a weapon. The rock cancer spread through air and water, and that is why the outbreak was so deadly. > You slap him very softly until he tells you where the government lab is located. The pilot tells you that the lab is just north of Toronto. He doesn't know much more than its location. The agent thanks the pilot, and shoots him in the head. You lean in for a soft kiss. "Thank you," agent says, smiling. "Now we can get the government to help track down the company." You spend the night with the man, before heading home. > You and the agent decide to head to Toronto. You notice a mark on the the back of the agent's hand. It looks like a rock. You touch the mark and the man suddenly grabs your throat. "I've been waiting for someone with the talent to join me for a long time," he says. > You suggest you amputate the agents hand to prevent the spread of rock cancer. You pull out your axe and chop the agents hand off. He screams in pain as rock cancer starts to spread from his hand all over his body. The agent begs you to kill him, so you do. > You search Google maps for secret government lab locations north of Toronto and find. You search Google maps for secret government lab locations north of Toronto and find one labeled "lab". You drive to the lab and realize its just a normal looking house. > You check the house for any secret switches. You find a secret switch that opens up a passage way. A scream comes from the bottom of the staircase. You rush down to find a prisoner trapped in a cage. He begs for you to let him out. > You tell him you will think about it. You tell him you will think about letting him out as you continue your search. You find nothing of interest in the house and head back to the prisoner. > You slap his face very softly with gloves and ask him where the lab is located. You slap the man with gloves and ask him where the lab is located. He tells you that's the easy way out. He says he will only tell you if you correctly answer his riddle. The man explains that you have to pick from three doors. The first door leads to freedom, the second door leads back into the house while the third door leads to certain death. You start choking the man and demand he tell you the correct room. He laughs and says it is up to you. > You choke him softly and ask him more politely where the lab is. You start choking him softly and ask him which door leads where. He says he will only tell you if you can guess his name. You choke him to death and break down the first door. You can't believe what you find behind the first door. Chapter 3: The Room You open the first door and find yourself in a small room. This room is covered in a thick layer of dust and filled with small boxes. You suspect the room is booby trapped, so you cutout the mans liver and toss it in the center of the room. Once you're safe, you enter the room and examine the boxes. The boxes are from 1954 and are addressed to John McCarthy, your uncle. You read a letter from your uncle: Jacob, I asked around and it turns out there was a government lab located north of Toronto. I don't have an address yet, but I think I can find it. You see a vial with "ROCK CANCER CURE" scribbled on it. You pocket the vial and open one of the boxes. Inside you find a small rock. It looks like there is nothing special about the rock, but you pocket it anyway. You win the Nobel prize for curing rock cancer. Congrats! The moral of the story: cure rock cancer.
Doctor Bigsy, a renowned neurologist
Posted under Episode 248, Story On By Chief