Professor Dimple, a scientist who has uncovered a major scientific discovery

You are Professor Dimple, a scientist who has uncovered a major scientific discovery. You hold a press conference to announce what the big discovery is. Before you can say what the discovery is, a guy who in the audience craps his pants. The audience stops paying attention to you and starts focusing on the guy who crapped his pants.

"Oh shit! I think he's going to die!" one of your colleagues exclaims. "What do we do?

> You force feed the man until he gain 600 pounds, slowly.
"I'm sorry, but this is necessary." You tell them.

The man begins to vomit up blood as he tries to regain control over his bowels.
You reveal that your invention has a side effect that gives people murderous rage after farting. You try to blame the government for not funding you. The government ignores you and tries to shut down your lab. Your funding gets cut and you are left with nothing.

> You fart and fly into a murderous rage.
You fart into the faces of the government officials as they close down your lab. You kill them and quickly get away. It is only a matter of time before you are caught and executed.
You have lost.
It is time to use your scientific discovery on yourself, you gain the following powers:
You are able to cut through solid objects.
You have the ability to fly short distances.
Your farts are lethal to anyone within a half mile radius.

> You fly a short distance to the white house and cut through the wall. You storm the oval office and hold everyone hostage in order to reveal your scientific discovery to the entire world.
You go on national television and reveal your powers. People storm the White House in order to kill you. You manage to fly away but the government shoots you out of the sky with missiles.

> You are in a cell in Guantanamo bay prison when you decide to crap your pants.
It takes a while but your deadly farts manage to kill everyone in the building. The media soon picks up your story and you become known as the Crapper.

> You plan your smelly revenge.
Year later you are free. The government can't keep you locked up any longer because they can't stand your farts. You go on a killing spree and with your powers you are almost unstoppable.
You are met by the Canadian secret agent known as Mr Clean, who shows up on a horse. Your fart are ineffective on him. He has a gas mask.
"OK Crapper, you have to die. This is pretty much the only option we have left. It's either you or me." Mr Clean says.
You battle Mr Clean in a New York City subway bathroom. You are getting old and weak now. The battle does not last long...
Mr Clean has won.

> You let out one final fart.
The resulting blast of air from your ass propels Mr Clean's head so fast, his neck is broken.
You die shortly after from choking on your own blood.
The Crapper has fallen.

> You your body is frozen in a vat of Pine-sol.
Year later a team of explorers find your body. You have been extinct for 1 million years.
The scientists revive you and you ask them what has happened to the Earth after all this time. All they tell you is that you've ruined the planet.
"Man, this Crapper really sucks." They laugh at you.
You fall to the ground and break your bones because you can't control your strength.
the Pine-sol has fused into your cellular structure and gives you fresh new bones. The pain is immense. The scientists torture you for the next 20 years and then, when you finally die a second time, they throw your body into a pit of acid.
"This Crapper really sucks"
when you fall into the acid, you let out one last MEGA pine-sol acid fart that cleans the galaxy. you have saved the galaxy from the terroist attack on earth. y9ou have saved the galaxy.
The moral of the story: don't piss off the Crapper.