You are KyrilGrey, or at least you used to be. Your account has been banned twice by now. You strive for streamer greatness in your attempts to stop this injustice against you. "‘‘" Your attempt fails. The ban is permanent. You don't know why the hell they think that you are a threat to their business, but it's true! > You become so saddened by this event you take a full bottle of sleeping pills before tripping over a rock into a piranha tank. The next day, you wake up from a dream about how much you hate yourself. This is followed by a nightmare where you are watching your life flash before your eyes as if they were a movie screen. > You fall asleep during the movie, because your life is very boring. you leave the theater and meet Tony,a man with the greatest green screen background filming his nightly show. "Hello my fellow peasants!" He cries, not knowing you exist. "Hello?" Your voice cracks a little bit in surprise. Tony screams "I BE SLUMMING!" He then runs over to you and shakes your hand so hard it breaks. You try to pull away, but he then pushes you to the ground and calls you a stupid bitch before leaving. You get a new hand, but it's much smaller that your other one. Your dominance over life is gone. You sit alone, wishing to feel the joys of O.C.D. O.C.D. stands for Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder. You like things to be in a certain order, or you flip out. You're not sure why this is happening to you, but it is. > You list 9 of your favorite compulsions:. 1. Listing things 2. this list 3. Pills 4. Sex 5. Flipping Things 6. Certain Foods 7. Water Intake 8. Blinking 9. Being on keyboard The following day, you get a letter in the mail. The seal has the president's face on it. You open it. You open the letter from the President and it asks you to troll the Internet for him and for American. You agree. The next day you get a letter in the mail. The seal has the American flag on it. You open it. You open the letter from the U.S. Government and it asks you to kill the President. You agree. That motherfucker is a cunt. You drive to Washington, D.C. with your guns out. "This is for America," You have a change of heart and instead decide to kill the whole U.S. Government for forcing you to write shitty stories. You go into the nation's capital with guns ablaze, screaming at the top of your lungs. "For America!" You yell. > You get tackled by the secret service. You get tackled by the secret service and wake up in a hospital room. A U.S. Government official is sitting at your bedside. "Hello, Mr. President," he says to you. You realize that while you were sleeping a series of unfortunate events led to you being elected the President of the US. The events were so tragic, that you actually considered yourself lucky, because at least you weren't in an indie movie. > You in your first 100 days as President you decide to. To get more guns off the streets, you created a mandatory program where all firearms are flown into Africa and given as gifts to starving families with many children. In your next 100 days you try to. within 100 days, there is a gun in every hand in Africa. Everything goes the way you'd think it would. By the end of it, you are ready to die. Luckily, you find a nice African family who takes pity on you and eats you. You are only partially eaten and then let go when they think you taste kind of sad. You return to the U.S. as a spirit, grateful that you don't have to be president anymore. > You become the first spirit to be on Mount Rushmore. You ascend to the heavens and become a star. You live happily as a star until the end of time, or at least until the Sun dies, which is less happy. The moral of the story: Be nice to your parents so you don't become a president. Thanks for reading !!!
KyrilGrey, or at least you used to be
Posted under Episode 245, Story On By Chief