Caoimhe, an Irish woman with a common name that is unfortunately pronounced “Queevah”

Posted under Episode 243, Story On By Chief

You are Caoimhe, an Irish woman with a common name that is unfortunately pronounced "Queevah." You attempt to flee County Limerick so that no more lewd verses can be written about your "Beevah." However, you find yourself in the midst of a civil war between Catholics and Protestants. The conflict has been going on for centuries now, but it seems to have reached its climax during this century.
You hear some kids walk by singing "I once knew a woman named Queevah, who had a right stinky Beevah, and she was a bad beevaah!" They continue their song as they pass you. Your ears perk up when they reach the end of the street.
You turn the corner and meet the "I shouldn't say this" man.  You're pretty sure his name is Seán, but since he is a Protestant, you can only meet in secret. He tells you that he wants to marry you and return to his home in London.

> You tell your Catholic family will never approve of the marriage. Then you let out a queef.
You are correct. Your mother walks in on you and Seán having sex.
You tell your Mom you don't car about some silly war and give Sean a passionate kiss. Suddenly Cory, a man in the Civil War who wears a bucket instead of a uniform, walks by your window and sees a protestant kissing a catholic. He goes to the bathroom and grabs his gun. He shoots Sean and his dog.
"Fuck!" you yell. "You fucked me!"
You hold Sean in your arms and scream into the night, "I love this Beevah!"
You decide to flee the country and start a new life in South America. You make it to the docks before you are arrested for having an "unnatural relationship with a Beehive."
You ask the police, "What's your evidence?"
He replies, "I saw you kissing a Beehive. The same Beehive that your boyfriend was found near."
You suspect that the Officer is in fact having sex with beehives and in an effort to evade being caught, he is arresting and blaming it on foreigners. You decide to go along with it and make the long journey to South America.
Unfortunately, diphtheria breaks out on your boat, killing everyone on board. You are thrown overboard and eaten by a shark.

> You while in the Shark's belly, you think about your life choices.
You decide that you should have stayed in Ireland and fought for the rights of Beehives everywhere instead of fleeing to South America like a coward.
You punch your way out of the sharks stomach and swim all the way back to Ireland. You lead the movement to fight for peoples right to love bees.
Soon, the government falls. Unfortunately, you die of starvation during the celebration because everyone forgets to feed you.
You go to heaven and find out that you DO have a soulmate.
You meet your soulmate, who is a beehive.
I hope you all learned a valuable lesson about bees, snowmen, boyfriends, girlfriends, queefing, love and life itself.

> You meet with God and ask if queefing is a sin.
You meet a bearded man with a robe and stick. You know he is God.
"Hello", he says in a gruff voice. He asks you, "Do you think queefing is a sin?"
"I don't know", you reply.
You then have an argument about queefing for 30 minutes.
In the end, God decides that queefing is indeed a sin. He takes away your queefing privileges and sends you to hell.
You've reached the "Hell" ending.
Jim Christ, forth son of God, has to step in and break up the fight. Jim visits you in Hell and tells you that he knows of a way to get back to heaven, and it involves you breeding a new generation of Catholics. You oblige, and after millions of years, you are finally let out of Hell. You are then promoted to be the Archangel in charge of Ireland.
you are worshipped as "Saint Queevah, Patron saint of Beehives."
You have a feast day on the 17th of every March.
"Life is Wonderful. Praise Beehives!
The moral of the story: Queef for Jesus.