Jim, a streamer who is famous for his clever and witty style of humor

Posted under Episode 242, Story On By Chief

You are Jim, a streamer who is famous for his clever and witty style of humor. You are doing well on AIPD, but you want your own show. You decide to start a streaming show called The Misadventures of Jim. You're not sure what you want the show to be about, so you ask your friends for ideas.

"What do you think?"

"I don't know, I just got this idea in my head."

"Let's see if we can come up with something!"
You come up with the following 10 kombucha show ideas:

1) A show where you and your friends play games or read books together. (The title of the episode would be "A Game of Books")

2) A game show like Jeopardy! or a sporting competition like the Olympics.

3) A reality show like The Real World or Big Brother.

4) A talk show where you interview people in the entertainment industry.

5) A travel show like Anthony Bourdain: Parts Unknown.

6) A cooking show like Good Eats.

7) A nature show like Through the Wormhole or Planet Earth.

8) A show where you go to conventions (like comic-con) and briefly interview people and talk about your experience.

9) A scripted sitcom similar to Home Movies or The Simpsons.

10) A collection of stand-up comedy bits similar to John Mulaney: The Comeback Kid.

"A game show sounds fun! I think we should do that one.
You start production on your new game show, Wheel of Kombucha. The rules of the game are simple, 3 contestants compete to guess what's behind Door #1, Door #2, or Door #3. All 3 doors have a kombucha flavoring that corresponds to how much fizz, flavor, and taste.

Door #1 has a lot of fizz, but no flavor and tastes very bitter.
Door #2 has a lot of flavor, but no fizz and tastes very sour.
Door #3 has a moderate amount of both fizz and flavor, and tastes somewhat bitter.
The shows start and is immediately interrupted by the Kool Aid Man bursting through the studio wall and yelling, "Oh yeah!" He proceeds to run around the studio and knock over everything he sees, obviously in an intoxicated state.

> You punch a small hole in the Koom-Aid man, and he slowly starts to leak kombucha.
After punching a hole in the Kool-Aid Man he falls over and slowly leaks Kombucha all over the floor. He lays there motionless.
You improvise a new game and tell the contestants that the person to drink the most Koomb Aid wins $10000. You, and the other two contestants proceed to drink as much Kool-Aid as you can. You manage to drink one whole container before you start to get sick.

> You vomit the koom-aid and continue to drink. you JUST KEEP DRINKING!
You continue to drink and vomit...
You keep drinking...
The room starts spinning.
Nausea overcomes you.
You puke and...
You have died from alcohol poisoning.
You are revived by the First Aid Man.
"A lot of people die from that," he says in a monotone voice, "I'm just glad I could help."
You are disappointed by your death and vow to do better next time.

> You ask First Aid Man if he is traumatized by all the injuries he sees.
"I feel nothing."
He stares into your eyes.
"That's what happens when you see as many emergency room patients as I do."
You give the First Aid Man a case of kombucha and ask him to tell you the 10 worst emergency room accidents he's seen:
10. A man arrived at the hospital with a spoon in his eye. He said he was trying to get the honey out of the spoon when it slipped and stabbed him in the eye. 
9. A man stuck his hand in a meat grinder and lost part of his arm. 
8. A farmhand had both of his arms and legs cut off when he fell into a grain elevator. 
7. A person was hit by a truck while running and juggling knives. 
6. A chainsaw duel went wrong. 
5. A man was bitten in half by a shark while peeing over the side of a boat. 
4. A man had his face burned off while lighting a cigarette. 
3. A woman was run over by a car in the driveway of her house. 
2. A man's head was bitten off by a lion that got out of a truck. 
1. You!
The Kool Aid Man with his shattered pitched body sits up and looks at First Aid Man and tells him that he was responsible for all of the incidents.
"No you weren't Kool-Aid Man," the First Aid Man says, "You're not even real."
The Kool Aid Man yells, "I am immortal. I can not stop Kooming."  Then he snaps and runs around the hospital snapping the necks of everyone he sees.
Everyone in the hospital dies and then comes back to life.
You challenge the Kool Aid Man to a duel on the roof. He agrees.
You and the Kool Aid Man engage in a brutal battle, but ultimately the Kool-Aid man has the advantage.
You level up and gain the following kombucha attacks:
Straw of Death
Speed Artillery
Kung-Fu Quad Damage
You throw everything you have at the Kool-Aid Man, but it isn't enough. He laughs and says that you taste delicious.

> You throw artificial sweetener at Kool-Aid man, rendering him helpless.
You throw a bottle of the sweet stuff in the Kool-Aid Man's face, but he shakes it off and continues to attack.

> You charge the kool-aid man off, as you fall you reveal your troubled past:.
"I never had a proper childhood," you say, "I was too busy working at my dad's factory."
You tell him about all of the mornings you woke up early to bottle thousands of kombuchas.
You and the Kool Aid Man wake up in the hospital next to First Aid Man and become best friends.
He asks you to join him in his quest to kill Nazis.
You agree.
The moral of the story: Kombucha.