Cory, exotic pet owner

Posted under Episode 242, Story On By Chief

You are Cory and your friends recently made you realize that you should get yourself a pet. You go to a pet store nearby and browse around when a certain weird animal spikes your interest: A cute looking walrus the size of a cat. You watch it in fascination for a bit when it suddenly eats a piece of carrot and immediately lets out a projectile rainbow vomit all over the cage. You instantly fall in love with this creature and adopt him. When you get home you let it out of its cage and notice it's rather oversized balls for such a tiny creature. You are certain it's a male and decide to name him "Cory Jr" because you're so happy about it.

The next day, while you are walking to school, you see a strange creature on the street.
You see a man that introduces himself as Gerald Huntington, 19th century walrus hunter wearing a pith helmet and holding and elephant gun. Gerald sniffs you and senses you know the location of a walrus he is hunting. He tells you he wants to trade his gun for yours if you can help him find the walrus. You agree and Gerald takes you there where you meet up with him again.

> You ask gerald 10 habits of the pygmy walrus. he says:.
1. their tusks are non-existent or under a quarter of an inch.
2. they like to sunbath.
3. they are only found in cold regions.
4. they can weigh up to 700 pounds.
5. they are around four feet tall when standing.
6. they eat mainly sea lilies and sand fleas.
7. they are social creatures.
8. they are bred in captivity.
9. they live up to fifty years.
10. the meat is not eaten due to it being poisonous.
You show Gerald the location of Cory Jr, but when he reaches for his gun, you knock him unconscious. You then tie him up, steal his gun, and hide in the bushes. You watch as a man with a pack full of dynamite and a lantern approaches.
You disguise Cory Jr with one of those cheap noses with glasses and moustache.  You then put him with the man and light the dynamite.
"You are a true gentleman, now if you'll excuse me I have to go give my report to my boss."
Cory Jr responds by barfing a rainbow, Dynamite Man runs into an ACME fake tunnel and knocks himself out.
"Now you stay here and learn from master, I have to go tell my boss about this."
You return home and name the pygmy walrus "Goldberg"
Cory Jr levels up and gains the following Pygmy walrus skills:
Cory Jr gains 600 lbs for winter and also gets a bonus to his Comedian skills check.
You sleep peacefully knowing your pet is in good hands.
Class: Mammal
Mammals are a class of vertebrates characterized by the production of milk from females for feeding their young.
Cory Jr tells you his favorite new joke:
Q: What do you call a pygmy walrus?
A: Long John Silver
He laughs while you rub his belly.
You do not laugh, and this makes Cory Jr nervous for his first show. Cory Jr tells you another joke:
Q: What do you call a pygmy walrus that can't do any tricks?
A: A still born.
You laugh so hard you fall off the couch.
you say"Don't open with that." you suggest he become a prop comic and give him a chest with the following 10 props:
1) an oversized cup
2) a squirt gun
3) a toy car
4) a kid's meal from a fast food restaurant
5) a clown nose
6) a tube of lipstick
7) a small child
8) an oversized cup filled with goldfish
9) a tuba
10) a live chicken
You watch Cory Jr perform his first open mic as a prop comic, the crowd isn't into it so he leaves in the middle of his act.
You attempt to return to your family but Davenports men find you and hold you hostage, he says he will kill you tomorrow.
You ask Davenport who he is and he tells you the his is the club owner and also a volunteer member of the comedy police. He says he once murdered a guy while doing a comedy set for saying "Drunks can't be comics".
You pass the night in fear, you know your days are numbered.
Cory Jr sprays Davenport and his cronies with rainbow vomit and blinds them all. Cory Jr then suffocates Davenport with a mouthful-a-balls.
Cory Jr picks the cage lock with a bent paperclip and you put on Davenport's clothes.
You and Cory Jr escape and start news lives as Comedy Club owners in Deleware. You named it The Comedy Cave, it is a big hit.
You live happily ever after, and over time you forget that you were once the most wanted criminals in America.
The moral of the story: Live Comedy and Comics will always triumph over tyranny.