Woofers, a German Shepherd dog

Posted under Episode 240, Story On By Chief

You are Woofers, a German Shepherd dog to be exact. For most of your life, you lived inside a crammed cage in an illegal laboratory where they tried to develop mutagens that would give people special abilities. The last mutagen they injected into you somehow gave you the ability to talk to humans. Shortly after the AI Police Department storms the laboratory and frees all the animals, including you. Jason, the Sherrif, decides to adopt you. You didn't reveal that you could understand or even speak to humans to him yet. One day he tries to take away your chewing bone because it makes you gassy. You struggle against it, but after Jason took the bone you carelessly yell "NOOOO!" at him. Jason freezes and stares in confusion at you before he says: "What did you say?" You reply: "I said 'NO!' I don't want anything from you! Just let me go!" He looks at you with surprise and then he walks out of the room.
Jason comes back into the room and says, "So, you can talk." You smile and nod. "Yes," you say.
"Well, I'm glad you're happy, but what about my other dogs? What do they want?"
"They..." You don't know what to say. Your eyes start watering as you think about how you betrayed your friends. You blurt out: "I don't want to be a dog anymore!
Jason asks you what animal you'd rather be. You respond "A cat."
"A cat? Why?"
"Because they're nice and don't have a bad smell."
You are then turned into a cat. You really like your new body. You enjoy your new life as a cat.
You list the 10 best things about being a cat:
1. There's no bad smell.
2. You're very fast and agile.
3. It's easy to find food on your own.
4. Life is easy, you just sleep all day.
5. You get to play with balls of wool.
6. The best spot in the house is yours.
7. There's no need to spend money on expensive food.
8. You can sleep anywhere you want.
9. You don't have to obey anyone, you're free!
10. You can make lots of cute noises if you want to.
You reunite with some of the other laboratory animals outside the city in a place called the Animal Village.
You notice your best friend from the lab, a greyhound named Boss, has also undergone a species change operation and is now a human. You ask him what it's like to be a human and he says "It sucks." You ask him if he would rather be a cat, and he says "Yes. Definitely."
You ask him why it sucks to be a human, and he says "We don't get to eat as much food and we have to walk a lot every day." You say that you thought humans drove everywhere. Boss says "There are some humans called poor people who can't drive."

> You say "Tell me more about these poor people."
Boss tells you that there are two types of people in the world: humans and poor people.
You show Boss a pamphlet about furriers so he can live the way of a cat as a human. He reads it quite interesting. He says he will consider it.
Boss realizes he himself is a poor human as he has zero dollar in his bank account. He is puzzled about this as he doesn't have much expenses in human life. Poor people are humans who have up to $0.00 dollars in their bank accounts.
The moral of the story: Be a cat!