You are Ronald, a fast-food delivery guy. You have been in the fast food business for a few months and there's been dozens of complaints about the way you deliver food. Sometimes, you throw the food at the customers, other times, you just toss the food in the garbage because you're too lazy to deliver it. One day, a guy orders a bucket of fries. You drive to his house to deliver it. However, you accidentally drop the bucket on the customer's doormat and fries fall everywhere. The customer says, "Ah, my bucket!" and runs out of the door yelling, "I'm gonna sue you!" You give the man the The Bucket of Wisdom as an apology. The next day, you get another call from the same guy who called you yesterday. He tells you that he wants to know if you can help him with something. > You ask "what do you want help with"? Nervously, he tells you that he has a problem. He says that every day, he goes to his computer and it automatically shows a website that is called "the worst website." You look up the website. It cover the following 10 subjects: (1) Chinses food, (2) Dancing, (3) Cheese, (4) Dogs, (5) Boats, (6) Party, (7) Adventures, (8) Games, (9) Horrible pictures, and (10) Some other stuff. The guy tells you that you can only pick 5 of the ten subjects. You think it over and ask him which he thinks are the least important. He tells you the following five subjects are the least important: (5) Party, (4) Adventures, (3) Dogs, (2) Horrible pictures, and (1) Chinses food. You tell the man you are a fast food delivery driver and not that good with computers, but you'll try to help him anyway. You have the man send you the link to the website. You find it on your own computer and see what it is. You think for a moment and try to figure out how to make it better. You come up with the following 10 ways to improve the website: 1) Make the background black instead of white, 2) Get rid of all the pictures, 3) Do not change the size of the text, 4) Do not change the color of the text, 5) Always center the links, 6) Get rid of all the links, 7) Never posts unrelated videos, 8)Never posts any pictures, 9) Never make the website cover any other subjects, and 10) Always show a webcam to protect the website. Once you finish making changes, you go back to the man and ask if you helped him. He says that one of the changes fixed his problem, but he is still upset about The Worst Website. > You say that you're going to night school to be a Therapist and that you could help him with being so upset. The man agrees to let you help him with his depression. You try a couple of things and one of them works. You are glad that you've helped the man. You drive home. You remember all the things you tried, but the one thing that worked: making the website all black and getting rid of all pictures, links, changing the size of the text, and never posting any unrelated videos. The man calls you the next day and says, "Thank you for telling me to make the website all black and getting rid of all pictures, links, changing the size of the text, and never posting any unrelated videos. You ask the man to pay you for work so you can quit your job at McFryBuckets. He refuses, but says that you deserve the money. He then asks you to fix his website again. You say, "Pay me or I tell you what I did to your website ten more times!" The man says that he will pay you $50 a year for all the times you are going to fix his website. > You make the man buy you lunch at your favorite Chinses restaurant. The man agrees to buy you lunch at your favorite Chinses restaurant. At the Chinses restaurant, you can tell the man is uncomfortable around the Chinses. During the dinner, you erase his website and replace it with the Chinses restaurant menu. The man gets angry and asks why did you do that. You shrug your shoulders and say, "They have delicious orange chicken!" The man agrees to pay for your day at the Chinses restaurant. You leave the restaurant and the man refuses to drive you home until you fix his website. You make the website all black and get rid of all pictures, links, changing the size of the text, and never posting any unrelated videos. > You develop a psychosis and begin smashing any computer you come in contact with. You smash the man's computer into a million pieces. The screen flashes all different colors until it show a large spinning swastika. The man grows angry and asks why did you do that to his computer. > You realize the man is an antiChinsite. You pull out your secret weapon: a bar of lavender-scented soap. You take off the wrapper, and sniff the bar of soap. The man grows weak in the knees and falls to the floor. You upload a virus that spreads from website to website, making the website all black and removing all pictures. You also remove all links and change the size of the text. You sit back in your chair with a contented sigh. The man comes back into the room with a pistol drawn. You pull out your soap, it's a standoff. You sniff the soap as hard you possibly can dodging bullets as you dive behind a giant tub of fries. The man runs out of bullets. He tries to reload, but you take advantage of this opportunity to pounce on him. You knock the gun out of his hand and grab it. The man runs to get his gun back and slips on grease on the floor and falls into the fryer. You lean in for a kiss. He's dead. You killed him. The police come and you are sent to jail for 40 years. THE END You reached a "Game Over" screen without winning. Please try again. The moral of the story: violence isn't always the answer, but it is the answer in this case.
Ronald, a fast-food delivery guy
Posted under Episode 238, Story On By Chief