You're Rodney, a guy who has decided to buy discount fireworks in November. After buying the fireworks, you realize you don't have a bag to put them in so you put the fireworks in your pockets. That evening, you're on a date with a pretty woman. The two of you are at the ice cream shop when she asks, "Do you have a napkin?" You say, "Yeah." You try to pull a napkin out of your pocket, but you accidentally pull out the fireworks. The next day, you go to work and the manager is there. He says, "I heard about that last night. I'm sorry for what happened. You lean in for a kiss with your manager to reenact what happened. Your manager: "That was an accident! We'll give you a free pass!" Your manager tells you, "I'm pregnant now." You tell your manager, "Put some mayonnaise on your stomach and go to the hospital." You say, "I'll go with you." The story doesn't end there. What happens next? > You at the hospital, the doctors point Rein-Drob's Genocide strength firework at your manager's stomach. They light the firework. Then, suddenly, your manager shoots out of the window. You yell, "Good luck!" The next day, you get a call. The caller ID says "Dad". You pick up the phone. You tell your Dad all about about what has just happened and lean for a kiss on the phone. You get a call from a man named Dad. He is very angry. Your dad tells you he is pregnant with two children. You say, "You sound mad." Your dad tells you he has two children. You say, "Are they twins?" It turns out that your dad is on fire. You tell your Dad to start rubbing mayonnaise on his belly and that you'll be right there to take him to the hospital. You rush to the hospital, and your Dad is noticeably less angry. He texts you, "Hurry up! I'm waiting for you in the ER!" Your dad gives birth to two firework babies. The fireworks are still burning as they come out of his stomach. The doctors quickly grab the fireworks and rush them into a crib. You say, "I'll watch them." You decide to the name the Fireworks, their names are Stinky, Blue Thunder, Red Lightning, Purple Boom, Green Smoke and Yellow Flame. You have to take care of the fireworks because you've set them free. One day your dad calls you... Dad: "Do you miss me?" You: "No" Dad: "Why not? Don't you have good memories of me? What about when I gave you a bath when you were little?" > You say "Dad, that's creepy." Dad: "Ah... I suppose it is a little creepy." Your Dad calls you again... Dad: "Do you know why boys don't like me? Am I not manly enough? You tell Dad he's fine and that he'll do a great job raising your younger firework brothers. Your Dad calls you one last time... Dad: "Come home soon, okay?" You: "Okay." Dad: "Well... bye." You hang up the phone and head back home. You see huge fireworks going off at your Dad's house. You rush over and see that the fireworks have burned down your Dad's house. Your Dad is dead. Your Dad's dead body lays in the middle of the street. You feel very bad about what has happened. > You have your dad cremated by burning fireworks. The next day, you go to the hospital. The doctor tells you, "You can leave this hospital room now." You find a large book bag and fill it with fireworks. You head onto the street. You have giant 3 hour fireworks show in memory of your Dad and firework brothers. It's a great show. The police come to break up the show. You head over to the station and tell them it was all your idea. You get arrested by the cops. > You get bailed out by your last living firework half-brother, Yellow Flame. The police station is small. It's just two cops in a room. You sit there in silence for a few hours. You make a snide remark as you leave the police station. You say, "Thanks for nothing." You see Yellow Flame in his car outside. He rolls down the window and says, "Hop in the car, I'll take you home." You ride off with Yellow Flame and you feel like you have a strong bond with him. "Lightning keeps on striking, but the thunder's gone." The moral of the story: All that's left is a town of fireworks, constantly being blown up.
Rodney, a guy who has decided to buy discount fireworks in November
Posted under Episode 237, Story On By Chief