Darius Highway, author of the bestselling book “The Highway Code”

Posted under Episode 237, Story On By Chief

You are Darius Highway, the Author of the bestselling book "The Highway Code". Your book is very popular with Secret Agents in MI6. You are in the process of writing a sequel called "The Low Way Code".

Your next assignment will be to go undercover as a junkie on the streets of New York City.

> You score the 10 hardest drugs you can find:.
Darius: Well, I guess we're going to have to do it this way. We'll get you some heroin and cocaine from a dealer who's willing to sell them for cheap prices.
The dealer sells you the following 10 drugs: 
1. Heroin
2. Cocaine
3. Crack
4. Ice (MDMA)
5. Methamphetamine
6. 2C-B
7. DMT
8. Mescaline
9. LSD
10. Marijuana
Which 5 do you want?

> You say "Dealer's choice."
You want the dealer to pick for you, as they'll be able to get you drugs you won't even know exist.
The dealer picks the following five drugs for you:
1. Heroin
2. Crack
3. Ice (MDMA)
4. Methamphetamine
5. 2C-B
You take the mysterious 2C-B and level up gaining the following junkie skills:
Strength I: You now lift twice the weight you could previously.
Reflex I: Your reflexes are twice as fast.
You use your newly acquired skills to take the rest of your drugs all at once.
The world melts away as you enter a brand new dimension where your drug dealer is also your drug supplier.
Tyrone Biggums, who has enhanced non-gag-reflex skills, enters the drug dealer's den and notices you are high as a kite. He stabs you in the neck with a syringe and pumps your body full of drugs that he gives to you.

> You give Tyrone a horse-ham sandwich.
Tyrone: Thanks. I'll always remember you.
Tyrone squeezes your nose, and you pass out...
You wake up in a sleazy motel room with some other junkies.
You hear some of the other Junkies talking about a huge drug import coming in from Mexico.
You: "Hey, I'm not dead! Also, I'm going to get rich by joining that drug import!"
The other Junkies join you as you travel to meet the dealer they were speaking about.

> You meet the dealer. He angry to see you there, but you squeeze his nose.
The dealer complains about you squeezing his precious nose, but lets it slide.
You agree to be a middleman in the drug-importing operation. You get a whopping 5% cut of all profits.

> You begin writing your new book "The Low-Way Code" while dealing drugs.
You have an entry in the "Whack-A-Mole" game that is sure to make you win. You head down to the local arcade and begin playing.
A crowd gathers around you and begins betting on the result. 
A crowd gathers around you and begins betting on the result.
The crowd is betting furiously, and you need to win to cover their bets.
You manage to win using the "Whack-A-Mole" game.
You win, but the crowd can not cover the bet so you are taken to the Cartel leader by the name of El Padrino.
He takes you to a back alley and shoots you in the knee.
They leave you to die, but Tyrone Biggums comes along and takes pity on you.

> You limp to your van and plan 10 ways to take revenge on El Padrino.
You plan out a plan of revenge by writing 10 ways to smuggle drugs inside El Padrino's body.
You list the 10 ways:
1. His ass
2. His mouth
3. His... nevermind. You can figure out the rest.
You decide to try your plan, but you need a better disguise.
You head to Halloween City and get the first disguise you see:
You have enough money to buy 5 Air-rifles, but you only need one... or do you?
You also buy a suit and tie.
You bust in El Padrino's door and pretend like your air rifle is a real machine gun.
You skip the bullshit and tell El Padrino that you are taking over the Drug trade business.
He looks at you with a face of disappointment.
You put El Padrino in a Whack-A-Mole machine and whack him to death in front of all the junkies.
You start your own Drug Cartel and become one of the most infamous criminals.
You live happily ever after, or at least until the FBI comes knocking at your door.
The moral of the story: Doing Drugs is bad MmmmKay?