Tomas Bridgewell, a customer support agent at Amazon

Posted under Episode 236, Story On By Chief

You are Tomas Bridgewell, a customer support agent at Amazon.

You One day you get a call from a customer complaining that they ordered a possessed Furby. Suddenly over the phone you hear a high pitched voice say.

"You will be receiving an order for a possessed Furby". "What?! What did you do?!" you exclaim in disbelief. "I didn't do anything! I just got your order!" The voice says with anger and surprise on its face. "Wait, what? What's going on?"

You read from the script "Have you tried turning the Furby off and back on?" you say.

" keeps trying to communicate with me". "It must have been hacked by some hacker or something..". You say. "Well it was my fault if I let this happen, but I can fix it now! It'll only take a few minutes!" "It won't work!" you yell. "The Furby is not real! It's made of plastic!"

You The customer tells you this Furby is made of flesh.

> You don't believe him You stand up and walk out of the room. You sit down on the couch and think about what just happened. Then suddenly you remember something. A couple days ago you were drinking coffee and eating a bagel when you saw a girl wearing a black dress enter the café. She looked like she was lost, so you offered her a seat.

You realize that the woman must have given birth and put the baby in the possessed Furby package.

You tell yourself it must be a fairy tale story. And then the next day you see the same girl again, but this time she has a fur coat on and looks like she is walking around town. You ask her where she went, but she doesn't answer. You decide to leave the café as soon as possible.

You decide to visit the customer's home and check on the Furby baby.


You bring the following 10 gifts for the furby baby.

You got an email saying that the Furby had died, and the man who bought it thought he killed it himself. Your name is John Smith, and you live in New York City. Your mother gave birth to you while she worked part-time at a local diner called 'Diner Girl'.

You look at the receipt and see the list of the 10 gifts you got and how much they are worth:

Your furby was born on November 1st, 2005. Your furby weighs 20 pounds. Your furby was named Jimmy. Your furby lives in the basement. Your furby is a little bit smarter than other furry babies. Your furby likes playing hide and seek. Your furby eats Cheez-Its.

You rush back to the customer's house and look through the basement window and see Jimmy.

You go inside and find a dead body. It's the guy who bought you. He was found in his bathroom with a knife wound to his neck. His throat had been slashed. The police are investigating this murder and you need to help them. They're looking for someone else who knows anything about the murder of John Smith.

You suspect that it was Jimmy. You take a shitload of Cheez-Its and go to the woods and wait for Jimmy to appear.

Jimmy appears on the other side of the tree. He sees you standing there naked. He smiles and asks you if you want to play hide and seek. You agree. Jimmy takes you to a forest and hides behind a big rock. He points to a large tree in the distance. You tell him to stay hidden until you return.

You go and call the police to tell them you have found Jimmy.

A detective arrives at the scene, and the two of you start searching the woods together. After about half an hour, you come across another small trail leading into the trees. This one leads deeper into the woods. You both head towards it cautiously. When you arrive, you both stop and peer over the edge.

You tell the detective Jimmy won't come out unless everyone takes off their clothes.

Everyone does so. The detective calls for all the witnesses to come forward. You explain everything to the detectives. They don't seem surprised by any of it. The detective notices that you've taken a shitload of Cheez-Its. He orders you to stop taking them immediately. "If you don't stop taking these things, you could die," he warns.

You Jimmy appears, sniffing the air for Cheez-Its.

He grabs a handful of each and throws them into his mouth. Everyone is shocked by this display of greed.

The moral of the story:

Don't steal stuff from people. Especially things that aren't yours.