Tom, a man who wrote an 80’s pop album called “Outside the Box”

Posted under Episode 234, Story On By Chief

You are Tom, a man who wrote an 80's pop album called "Outside the Box". The year is 2025 and an 80's revival hits, now your least favourite single is massively popular and you can't get away from it. A news outlet called the Vox writes an article saying you're going to work on a follow up but it's a blatant lie. You have no idea what they mean by that but you know it has something to do with the song.'re fired.

A few years pass and you find yourself in a place called New York City, where you meet someone new...

"Hey, I'm back!" you say as soon as you walk into the room.
"What? Where are we supposed to be?" she asks.

> You start playing your bass guitar.
"Just playin' ma bass..." you say.
"I'm Ashley, it's nice to meet you!" she says with a smile.
You attempt to create a love ballad for Ashley, you start improvising a song and it goes like this:
(improvised lyrics)
"Blah blah, da da da dee dee..."
It's not a masterpiece, but it's heartfelt.
You put on leather pants that are two sizes two small. Ashley looks at you and says,
"Wow, you look... Spectacular!"

> You say "Hey, my eyes are up here!"
"Oh! Right sorry," she blushes.
She then puts on a white t-shirt and some skinny jeans.
"Let's start the show!" she says, looking at you expectantly.

> You lean in for a kiss.
You try to kiss her on the lips but she turns her head at the last second and your lips land on her cheek.
"You cheeky bastard!" she says, chuckling.
You play with this mysterious woman for hours, you fall madly in love with her. She starts to leave and you ask her for her name.
"Ashley," she smiles.
"That's not what I meant!" you say desperately.
"I know," she says, and walks out the door.

> You chase after her.
You run after her but when you open the door, she is no longer there. You are immediately hit by a car.
You awake in the hospital and Ashley is sitting next to you.
"I'm alive," you say in shock.
"You are. How did you survive?"
"Magic!" you exclaim.

> You show Ashley the amulet you are wearing your neck.
"What amulet is that?" she asks.

> You say "It's is the ancient scottish medallion on Hagan Das."
"It's beautiful," she says and gently touches the medallion.
You immediately fall in love and get married. The end.

> You decide to write an album of sex songs with Ashley.
You spend hours creating an album about your sexual relationship. It turns out to be an amazing album and you win an MTV award for it!
A few years later you release an album called "Wear Clean Underwear"
You call it that because Ashley gets pregnant from wearing your cum drenched underwear. You have a child and decide to name it "Honey".
Ten years later you release a greatest hits album. It sells over nine trillion copies and you become the world's first trillionaire.
You use your vast fortunes to buy all copies and memorabilia of your 80's album and burn it all. You then try to remove it from the internet by hiring a firm of Russian hackers.
You then buy the rights to your next album to never go on the internet and develop a search engine that doesn't show results for it.
People begin to forget about you and your album.

> You realize that Ashley is beginning to forget you, too.
Year by year, you slowly disappear.
One day while in the supermarket, you hear someone whisper your name. You turn around and see nothing but "normal" people.
You go insane and die shortly after.
Tony, lead singer of Tony and the Tonyzones, sings at your wake.
You have a three minute standing ovation.
The applause brings you back to life and spring out of your coffin.
Life is good.
You level up and gain the following pop musical powers:
-Choreograph entire dance routines with the wave of your hands
-Break into any electronic lock in under ten seconds
-Be able to understand the lyrics of any song
Choose your powers.

> You choose the power of being able to choreograph entire dance routines with the wave of your hand.
You log onto the internet and look at yourself.
Your face is thinner and you have aged twenty years since you last remember looking in a mirror. You also have a long white beard that reaches your chest.
You are also one hundred and twenty eight years old.
It's a bit of a shock, but then you remember that you released an album called "Wear Clean Underwear" a few years ago.
You sing the song from "Wear Clean Underwear":
"Wear clean underwear, people, wear clean underwear.
You never know when you'll get run over by a speeding bus.
Wear clean underwear, people, wear clean underwear."
The moral of the story: wear clean underwear.
The end.