The Oracle of Tolerance, a BLU Age of Empires monk

Posted under Episode 234, Story On By Chief

You are The Oracle of Tolerance, a BLU Age of Empires monk sent to finally resolve the long-standing conflict between the RED and BLU teams by converting everyone in the RED team to the BLU team. You have the power to make people join your team by saying 'wololoo'. Unfortunately, the other team also has a monk, a RED monk. He is called Wololo and he can convert anyone to his side with just one word.
The only way you can stop him from winning this war is if you win it for them...
What do YOU think?
You invest in some professional grade ear plugs and rush into the Red monk sanctuary to yell Wololo as loud as you can.

> You convert a bunch of monks to the BLU team.
You have turned many monks to your side, you yell 'wololoo' and they turn into BLUs.
It is all in your favour, so you relax and enjoy the bloodshed.
You encounter Crash Bandicoot who just repeatedly says, "Woah." You think it's a reference to one of those old cartoons, but you aren't sure.
He continues to say it throughout the entire battle, he also occasionally says, "What the...?" and "Hey guys..."
You march an army towards the RED capital city, you outnumber the RED 10 to 1.
"We will take the city within the hour!" you yell to Wololo, "Come on, you want to go in with us?"
"Nah, I'm gonna hang back." He says.
You walk into the capital, but something feels wrong. There is no one in the streets and it is way too quiet.
"You sure this is the right city?" you ask.
"Yeah, we took it like an hour ago." Wololo replies.

> You walk into a video store, and Sister Act 2 is playing on the screen. You watch it, and it changes your entire belief system.
You watch the movie, it is terrible.
But you are so tired from the fighting that you don't really care. You make a pillow out of a bag of popcorn and fall asleep.
You wake up to the sounds of a huge battle. You walk outside and see it was an ambush the whole time! You rush towards the church tower and yell Wololo hoping to stop the bloodshed in time.
You rush inside only to see it is much too late.
You see the BLU team massacring the remaining REDs.
The REDs refuse to fight. They simply chant "Sister Act 2" as they are slaughtered.  "Stop it!" you yell at them.
You rush down the stairs and confront Wololo.
"Why did you do this?" you ask.
"Sister act 2." he responds coldly.
You chant Wololo, but it doesn't seem to work. You think Sister Act 2 has broken your powers.
You hit him, and he falls down the stairs, dead.
A heavy feeling of sadness washes over you. You have killed a man, and for what? A movie?

> You rewatch Sister Act 2 to comfort yourself.
You sit in the theater room and watch Sister Act 2 on repeat for months...
... You are saved by the bell, literally.
The movie night ends and you are returned to the real world.
You wake up, you are in the movie world of Sister Act 2. You look to your left and see a rotting corpse that says 'Wololoo' on your lap.
You realize that you are trapped in the movie world of Sister Act 2 for all eternity...
Whoopi tries to get you to sing in the choir.
You kill Sister Mary-Margaret.
Suddenly, you are saved by the bell, literally.
You are returned to the real world.
You feel terrible for killing so many innocents people, you dedicate you life to bring peace between the REDs and BLUs.
This ends the tale of Wololo.
The moral of the story: Sister act 2 is deadly.
Thanks for reading.