Mr. Hulu, the owner of the streaming service Hulu

Posted under Episode 233, Story On By Chief

You are Mr. Hulu, the owner of the streaming service Hulu. You find out that Hulu's subscribers count has gone down a lot in the past few months. You find out this is because your former customers have been spending their money on the Twitch.tv show AIPD. This angers you.
"Hmmm…I guess I should be happy about that. It means they like my content and don't just watch it for free!" You think as you start to get angry at yourself.

> You get a call from Janet, a senile woman who keeps calling you because she thinks you sell hula hoops.
You get a phone call from Janet, who keeps calling you because she thinks you sell hula hoops.
You try to correct Janet, but you are getting nowhere so you hang up. Then you get a knock at your office door, it's Janet.
"I am here about my hula ho-." You quickly shut the door, and police sirens are heard not long after. You sigh in relief and sit back down at your desk.
Janet calls you from jail. She asks you to bail her out.  How about no.
Sadly, it isn't the last time you hear from her.
Janet makes bail and finds you at your favorite sit down restaurant.
"Hi! I'm here about my hula hoops." She says.
You've had enough of this. You quickly pull out your gun and shoot the old woman in the head, killing her instantly.
You finish your meal and are questioned by the police. You make up a story about self defense and they buy it, believing your history of mental health.
You learn not to mess with people selling illegal fireworks or insane old ladies who think you're selling hula hoops.

> You attend Janet's funeral.
You go to her funeral. You see her husband. "Hello." He says to you.
The husband keeps starring at you, he knows the truth about what happened. He follows you out of the funeral home and you confront him. He doesn't have anything to say though, and falls to his knees. He begins crying, begging for you to tell him that it wasn't you who killed his wife.

> You say "Wasn't me."
The husband doesn't believe you. "Why would you say such a cruel thing?"
Unable to admit the truth, you call the police and tell them there's a man harassing you on the sidewalk.

> You say "I'm firing my gun defensively"
The police arrive and thinking fast, you say "He's got a knife!" The husband takes off running and the cops chase after him.
The husband cuts through the cemetary and falls into his wife's freshly dug grave.  He scrapes his arm on a headstone, which draws blood.
He cries and begs for mercy as the police apprehend him. He is sentenced to 15 years in jail for murdering his wife.
The husband's blood falls onto his wife's body and revives her. She digs her way out of her own grave and leaves a hula hoop at your doorstep. You turn on the news and see that the husband has escaped jail. You see a photo of the husband with a knife in his chest. Your neighbor is interviewed, he mentions that he saw a strange old lady hanging around your house the night the husband was killed.

> You walk to your car and see someone has written "HULA HOOPS" in lipstick on the windshield.
You get in your car and drive home. You look in your mirror and see that your car door is open.
You look in your back seat and there she is! A zombie Janet lunges at you!
You scream and run away but trip on something. You slam your fist into her face and push her off of you. Now on your feet, you run into your house and lock the door.

> You call Cory Jeldman, master zombie hunter, and ask him to come help you.
You reach into your coat pocket and grab your cell phone. You dial 911.
"911, what is your emergency?" The operator on the other end asks.
Suddenly the phone line is cut, Zombie Janet burst through your front door. You panic and turn on the signal for Goldentusk XXIV to come and rescue you.
You hear the helicopter getting closer and Zombie Janet breaks through your window!
Zombie Janet has you on the ground and is about to eat your brains when the sound of the helicopter distracts her and she looks up.
Goldentusk XXIV rides the helicopter through your front door and cuts off Janet's head with the helicopter blades.
You stand up, run towards the helicopter, and grab on as it takes flight once again.
The body of Zombie Janet falls to the ground.
Goldentusk starts to take off, but then you suddenly feel a tug at your ankle. The body of Janet is pulling you with a hula hoop.
You slip off the helicopter and fall to the ground, rolling into some bushes as you hear the sound of the helicopter taking off.
Goldentusk tries to turn around, but he's gone too far.
Goldentusk crashes the helicopter. The rotor blades fly off and chop Janet into pieces.  The helicopter crashes into a tree and bursts into flames.
The next day the police find your body in the bushes. You were killed instantly from a broken neck.
The police see the hula hoop around your waist and the officer says, "Another god damn hula hoop accident!"
THE END
You have reached the "GOOD" ending.
The moral of the story:
Never trust a hula hoop.