Mr. Cookies, a guy who likes cookies A LOT

Posted under Episode 232, Story On By Chief

You are Mr. Cookies, a guy who likes cookies so much that you changed your last name to reflect that. You eat so many cookies that even the Cookie Monster thinks you've gone too far. He tells you to go on a diet, but you ignore him. You can eat a box of cookies in one minute.

One day while you're eating a box of cookies, you hear a loud noise and feel an overwhelming urge to throw up.

> You roll constitution to keep from hurling your cookies.
You fail to hold back the vomit and hurl like a madman. You end up vomiting so much that you're emaciated and near death. A virus gets into your bloodstream and your organs start to shut down.

> You eat a box of moldy penicillin cookies.
The mold in the penicillin cookies kills you before the virus can.
The Cookie Monster brings you back to life with Hydroxychloroquine cookies.
A spooky ghost steals your internal organs to use in her bathtub gin.
The friendly ghost of Christmas past lifts your wallet and buys crack with it.

> You team up with the Cookie Monster to hunt down the ghosts and get your organs and wallet back.
You and the Cookie Monster track the spooky ghost to her haunted house. After a dramatic chase scene, involving taffy traps and a river of molten lava, you manage to recover your organs.
You put your organs in the fridge and decide to get revenge of the ghost of Christmas past first. You head to his house and rattle his chains. He appears and you punch him in the eye. He falls to the floor and you steal his wallet.
You open the wallet and recover your identification and all your credit cards.
You yank on his chains and drag him to a ghost rehab center.
The friendly ghost of Christmas future gives you all your stuff back.
You and the cookie monster eat all your organs together.
You acquire a useless amount of knowledge.
You level up and gain the following useless skills:
Ghost Busting 1 - Use your chains to bust ghosts
Ghost Busting 2 - Use your chains to bust ghosts harder
Identity Theft 0 - No one can take your identity when you're such a unique person

> You replace your organs with cookies.
You swallow all the cookies and then go for a run. Your heart melts and you die.
It melts into a mound of chocolate cookie butter.

> You your dying words are "bustin' makes me feel good."
You pass on to the great chocolate cookie in the sky.
You great the great chocolate cookie in the sky and he says, "It's not your time , yet, my cookie eating child." You glow like an oven and are sent back to earth, you are all cookie now. Cookie Monster looks at you nervously.
"Bustin' makes me feel good." He mutters.

> You lean in to kiss Cookie Monster.
Cookie Monster mutters "bustin'" and bashes your head in with a rock.
You die.
The great chocolate cookie in the sky says, "Wow, was fast." He laughs and says, "I'm just messing with you." He greats you with open arms and a chocolate chip smile.
"Come to the great cookie in the sky, my child."
You embrace the great cookie and he takes you to his great cookie kitchen. You sit at his table and enjoy a glass of milk and bowl of chips before going back to earth to enjoy life.
the heavenly food fills in the hole in your head and the great cookie sends you on your way with one more piece of sage advice:
"Bustin' makes me feel good."
The moral of the story:
Bustin' makes you feel good.