Truck Muscles, a legendary wrestler in the National Extreme Death Wrestling League For Absolute Psychopaths

Posted under Episode 231, Story On By Chief

You are Truck Muscles, a legendary wrestler in the National Extreme Death Wrestling League For Absolute Psychopaths (NEDWLFAP). Your ultimate goal is to be greatest wrestler in the world. you've entered the thunder muscle tournament in hopes getting a chance at taking down the champ. After extensive training, the day finally comes and you step into the ring with your first opponent in the tournament. His name is	, he's an average looking guy that looks like he could break your neck if you didn't have so much strength built up over the years.
You are worried that you might get eliminated in the first round, so you decide to cheat and juice up. You take some pills from the medicine cabinet and eat them before the match starts. The pill gives you a slight boost in energy, but it doesn't help you too much since you still lose by disqualification.

> You are reinstated after your opponent fails his drug test.
You are unable to continue the fight due to your opponent's dirty tactics, he is immediately disqualified by the referee.
You grabbed the wrong pill bottle, it turns out it wasn't steroids but in fact Viagra. You level up and gain the following techniques and finishers:
Your finishing move is called the bone crusher, it involves you lifting your opponent up in a fireman's carry and then slamming their face into the mat.
You enter the second fight with a raging boner, your opponent this time is a large masked wrestler known as The Plague.
You are unable to calm down your boner before the match begins and you end up losing by embarrassment.

> You learn to harness your embarrassment into a kink and assault The Plague with a flurry of boner blows.
You're able to calm yourself down enough to pull your pants back up before running into the ring.
The match is back on! The Plague is about to use his special move: The Kiss of Death. He backs you into the corner and prepares to strike, a giant foam stamp with the words "Kiss Me I'm The Plague!" is placed on his back.
You lean in for a counter kiss with The Plague and he is thrown backwards. As he falls on the ground, you hit him across the face with your massive erection. In the process, you also expose your dong to a children's toy filled audience.
You win by boner strikes and successfully continue on in the tournament.
You see the commissioner of the wrestling league in the locker room, he tells you that you are a fan favorite and has made you a costume. The costume is a blue unitard with red and yellow flames on the legs, it also has the number 69 on the front and back in big letters. You are hesitant to put the get-up on, but you need the money.

> You put on the outfit and discover there is a special pouch for your boner.
You put on the suit and fasten the straps, but suddenly you feel a sharp pain in your crotch.
The unitard is one size too small, you now you can't take it off. You are shoved into the ring for the final fight of the tournament. You see the Champ, he looks like a monster.
You see the Champ is also wearing a costume, he is wearing a red and yellow cape and has a large letter S on his chest. He is ready for battle.

> You take the remaining Viagra and hit John Cena with an atomic dong strike.
You take the pills and they begin to work immediately. Your genitals begin to swell as you watch The Beast lift his final opponent into the air for the Champ's Elbow, a deadly elbow drop from the second rope.
You drop onto the Champ with his own move, the crowd goes wild! You go in for the finishing move.
The Champ's elbow is pointing at a 90-degree angle, blood is dripping from his arm. You climb on the second turnbuckle and prepare to hit your finishing maneuver.
You hit the champ with the Bone Crusher and he is thrown out ring. You have won the tournament!
You have a unique feeling over your body, you look down and see that your unitard has ripped revealing your genitals. You quickly cover up and make your way to the locker room.
The moral of the story: Be careful when taking advice from a drunken homeless man and never wrestle in a unitard.