You are Jason, a guy who is having a Halloween party at your house. You're dressed up as Butter Man. You're wearing yellow tights and you have painted your face yellow. Tony is wearing a Whoopi Goldberg outfit along with a Whoopi Goldberg facemask, Cory is wearing a bucket around his waist and Jim is wearing a human-sized kombucha bottle. You look at your friends, while saying, "Wow, we look awesome. This is going to be a great party." The next day, you wake up early and go out into the backyard where you see that it's still very dark outside. > You remember that Daylight Savings Time ended. "Hey guys! It's not too late to change your costumes!" Cory says in an annoyed tone. He doesn't like the idea of changing his costume. You keep the party going and then you are shocked to see that you have given birth to a butter baby. Congratulations! It's a yellow baby. You try to feed it some bread and butter, but it keeps on crying. You look around, Tony has given birth to a baby that looks like Whoopi, Cory has a bucket baby, and Jim has a Kombucha starter baby. You don't know what to do. > You start a daycare for weird babies. You and your friends raise your babies together. You name your baby Butter Jr. One day, you become a grown up, and you're really happy with the life you've lived. > You take the weird babies on a field trip to the kombucha factory. The babies don't like it there, but you really like it! You become a Kombucha factory worker. You are sitting alone at lunch when you hear some of your coworkers making fun of your weird babies. You stand up and confront them. "Hey!" you say. "I need to defend my babies from haters like you!" In anger, you pull out a knife and stab your coworker, killing her instantly. > You go on the run. You are put on the FBI's most wanted list for murder. You change your name and go on the run. But, in reality, you were framed by your evil twin. You collect call Butter Jr from a pay phone and let him know you love him and that Daddy is going to be gone for a while. You decide to hitchhike cross-country. You run out of phone minutes, so you are unable to reach out to your loved ones. > You find your evil twin brother and confront him. You go into the woods to find your evil twin brother. It's cold and dark outside, and you're hungry. You wish you had a granola bar. Suddenly, you hear a sweet voice in the distance. You look up and see your evil twin, Jayson, holding a butter knife to Butter Jr's throat. "Come any closer, and I'll slit her throat!" he laughs evilly. "Fine," you say. "But, can you at least do something about this hunger?" "Sure thing." Your brother takes you to his favorite restaurant. It's a place called the Olive Garden. You're seated at a table and given a bread stick. "Can I get you anything else?" your waiter asks. You ask your brother what are his demands. "Tell him you want the set menu," says your brother. "It's the spag bol, and it's delicious." > You tell the waiter to describe the spag bol to you. "Oh," says the waiter. "It's a delicious plate of spaghetti with homemade bolognese meat sauce. Your spag bol's arrive and you take this opportunity to flip the table and try to escape with Butter Jr. Unfortunately, your brother is too fast for you, and he catches you by the door. "Let's try that again," says your brother. "Tell the waiter what you want to drink." > You ask for a coke, and when your brother isn't looking, you roofie his drink. The waiter gives you two drinks. One is a coke, and the other contains a mixture of rohypnol and lsd. "Everything tastes better with rohypnol in it," says your brother. You brother dies and you found the Weird Baby Society in his memory. You found out he had been killed by a rival spag bol restaurant owner. You are never able to love rohypnol the same way again. The moral of the story: Avoid Italian restaurants on halloween.
Jason, a guy dressed up as Butter Man at a Halloween party at his house
Posted under Episode 227, Story On By Chief